finally.
it was finally warm.
and sunny.
i am so happy.
so ready for the heat of the sun on my face.
i need it.
i was beginning to go a bit stir crazy.
i came out to take these pictures not because of the weather and certainly not because it is pretty outside.
because it's not.
everything is still DEAD.
but i came out to take these photos because…..
MY GIRLS WERE PLAYING TOGETHER.
nicely.
and laughing.
it's been awhile.
and i really miss it.
i have to grab those moments when i can.
take notice.
cherish it.
because the fighting is a real downer.
i think the fighting (with each other and with me) is something i feel and felt surprised about with parenting.
no matter how well i speak….
no matter how well i care for them….
no matter how many cookies i make….
it doesn't make them nice.
they still fight.
ugh.
and i have been exhausted by it. i AM exahsuted by it. i want it to stop. i can't take it!!!
i don't know if it will.
i don't know how to change it.
but i want to if i can.
i think we are normal. i think their feelings….emotions….reactions are "normal".
i can't be the only one who is feeling like this.
i can't be the only one who feels at a loss for dealing with fighting….unkindness….anger….outbursts.
so….that is it.
i have no answers. i just feel depleted by it.
i miss diapers and bottles and cuddly babies that don't call names or throw things or slam doors.
i am trying to notice the great times.
encourage more good times.
reward the GOOD behavior…..the kindness……the LOVE.
to talk kindly myself.
to calmly respond to fits….to insults….to the crazy.
i fail a lot.
but i am trying.
but dang it….it is SO hard!!!!
who knew i would need to be so strong?
i don't really know how to get there….how to become strong(er)?
prayer?
that's it.
it is all i've got right now.
and really….that is a pretty great thing.
because GOD wants the best for my kids. for me. for us.
but working through it…to get there….to get to the good…….AAAAAAAAAAA.
yikes.
this post was completely unplanned.
it just came pouring out of me.
kind of scary.
Kat Montgomery - I googled “my 17 and 12 year old daughters hate each other” and you came up. Your post says so elequently what I am feeling. I have a four year old daughter too so she is too young to be involved in the fighting. The two eldest are so harsh and hateful and constantly saying terrible things to each other. Makes me feel ill. And makes me cry and wonder what I have done wrong. But then I remember my brothers and sisters and the horrible ways they treated each other. I guess it is normal but it still makes me want to barf. Thanks for the words that make me fell not so alone.
Sandy - This has been encouraging to me, knowing I am not alone in the sibling rivalry. The fighting is so depleting and I agree that at this point, all there is is prayer. Thank you for your honesty.
Cara @ Twice Lovely - Dorothy never had a sister, but if she did, I think she’d have gotten back home a whole lot sooner.
Cara @ Twice Lovely - That pic of the ruby slippers in air… one of the best pics I’ve seen all year, Meg.
Megan - I so understand the place you’re in. The fighting is not fun… It’s difficult to not be consumed by it. Keep the faith! Writing helps… and it helps those of us who read your words. Thank you!
Kara - oh thank you for this. mine are still in the baby phase, but I can totally understand where you’re coming from because with us it’s WHINING. oh my goodness, nothing drives me closer to the edge! I feel like my days are consumed with praying to be rational and patient! I guess it is training me for the days of fighting that will come 🙂 hang in there, meg!
Lemonade Makin Mama - Ummm… were you in my house this week? Cause that’s exactly where I’ve been too! So over this sibling fighting thing… does sad things to a Mama heart!
Nice to know it’s not just mine who struggle to be kind to one another. Just saying.
Donna - I can sooooo relate!! I feel like the answer is always the same though-PRAY! Pray all day long if you have to. I am still learning too. I think we will always be learning to have more Faith 🙂
Andria - I have three boys who do the same thing. Your words echo my feelings exactly. We are trying an experiment where kids say something ugly to each other they have to go to their rooms. Then they have to come up with 5 things they like about the brother they insulted.
Karen - How true that it will still happen. But my mom’s policy, with 5 girls and one boy, was ‘let them fight it out alone’ and believe me, it was a big policy failure. I was determined to not adopt it. As the youngest, I was always the ‘whipping boy’ for stronger, older sisters.
I held my 5 kids accountable for their actions of how they treated each other, and though there were many bumps in the road (most ALL of them comitted by the oldest-so they all learned from his mistakes), they are all close now. We truly enjoy getting together, and they celebrate each others little victories via email, and texting, even though they are very scattered geographically over the last few years. Hooray! (I dread getting together with some of my siblings and their kids.) Don’t get me wrong, I understand my mom did what she thought was right, but, uh, it wasn’t. Keep fighting the good fight, Meg. It pays off in teaching them compassion and empathy.
tricia - I have not read any of the other comments here Meg, but judging by the sheer volume, it’s obvious that we are all saying the same thing. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! My girls have been at it A LOT lately too. Makes me batty! I want it to stop. I try to make it stop. I do everything I can, and it still happens.
Luckily (even though it’s hard to imagine), you’re right. God loves our children even more than we do. I guess it all comes out in the wash, so to speak.
Keep on keepin’ on, girl. Thank you for sharing. I think that the warmer weather and the sunshine are going to do wonders! Stir-crazy does indeed make us crazy!
xo*tricia
Andrea R. - My girls fight and fight and fight. The next minute they are lovey dovey…only to fight again in an instant. Sometimes my solution to it all is to separate them because even though they fight constantly, they cannot stand to be separated even more. You are right ~ this is harder than I imagined and I was fully aware that is would not be a piece of cake.
jerusalem - i feel your pain.
kim - I so understand what you are going through! I also miss the little babies that are always sweet and are so innocent. I have four boys and my youngest is 3. He has already started to pick up the “fighting” Thank you for your post. Thank you for your honesty. It truly makes me feel like I’m not alone. It wears you down…But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I know one day they will be adults and past the neverending bickering. Glad you enjoy the moment..That is what gets you through 🙂
Kasey G. - My baby is in Afghanistan. What I wouldn’t give to have him home fighting with his older brother again! It is hard to live with when it happens but it is just another phase in their growing up years. Hang in there!
Tami - feeling your pain the last several months!! Prayer!! That is it!! I need to be doing more of it!! Thanks for the reminder!
Diane - So right there with you.
Parenting well is a lot of work.
The days are long but the years are short- I remind myself of that everyday and that tomorrow will be a new day.
Kristin S - Meg, seems you’ve touched a nerve for so many who couldn’t express in words what they were feeling. You did.
I’ve passed this post and comments on to a few mom friends and they’ve also been encouraged.
See? Those unplanned posts….
Cris Marsh - All I can say is that it will eventually get better. Lots of prayer, and plotting to run away will help. I always told my husband if he planned to run away he had best take me with him or I would track him down. 🙂
Tami C. - I am SO glad you wrote this post and SO glad I read it. My girls are 7 & 10 and oy, do they fight. They also pick at me, ugh. I asked my friend who raised 3 great girls for wisdom, she said “dark chocolate”. I asked for me or for them, she said “both”. We’re all is this together!
Megan Duerksen - You definitely are not alone!! I have a 7 year old boy and a 4 year old girl. They have never gotten along well. However, I also have a 7 month old. I know exactly what you mean by missing the “baby years.” When the other two are at it again, I find refuge in her smiles, giggles, and outstretched arms. This post was a good reminder to savor every minute of that because I know what is bound to come!
Katrina - You are totally not the only one. I’ve got two girls who are my world but it breaks my heart and frustrates daily to see them pick on each other. I grew up with 5 (yes 5!) step-sisters and I understand that it is indeed normal. It’ll mellow out more and more as they get older. In the meantime, I think prayer is just what we’ve got to do. I pray for patience and tolerance every single night. Seems to be helping. Most of the time. 😉
Sara - I know…it can really really drag you down, deflate you, make you just want to run away sometimes. At least thats how I feel. So I run, I exercise, I think about happy things or nothing when i run and then I feel more equipped to deal with them when I am finished. I know that when they do get along its magical. We spent spring break at the beach and when they were playing in the (cold) waves and in the sand they were so happy and there was no fighting. Mostly I hate it when I join in on the yelling and then I make everyone end up in tears. Thats when I feel horrible. Hugs!
s - oh thank you for this – this truth, this honesty, this painting of not such a rosy pretty picture because this is my reality too – the constant sniping. the anger, the hurt, and then my boiling over anger when it pushes me over the top – its so draining, so unnecessary. how many times can I actually repeat the same old thing “don’t say anything if you can’t say anything nice” (with a “it will be awfully quiet ’round here muttered under my breath) or “if you don’t let it get to you, she’ll stop – she just likes to get a reaction out of you”. no idea the solution. make them sit together and hold hands? send them to their rooms? I don’t know. I hope the fresh air will lessen the fighting – maybe feeling penned up fuels their fire. I just hope it ends before the youngest gets in on the action!
alyssa - I’m right there with ya. My kids definitely go in spurts. Right now they are fighting and it makes me not look forward to spring break. We are tired around here for the time change, the yucky weather, who knows. But we’re all tired and maybe that has something to do with it. The sunshine can’t hurt! I hear myself in my kids’ responses to each other. Super scary. Moms have to be the strongest all the time and that is exhausting. I feel your pain. We can do this!
Jen - The most encouraging thing I’ve heard on the subject was “parenting expert” Dennis Raney (Family Life Today) saying his kids faught until the day the last one left for college. He has six kids. I think he said they are friends now ;). I think we teach and redirect and teach and redirect but it is “when they are OLD they will not depart from it” (as in train up a child in the way he should go…). It’s not here in the daily process of raising them we see the seeds we planted…though we catch glimpses like you did when you took these pictures.
Blessings from another mom in the trenches!
Tiffanymgardnerphotography.blogspot.com - amen! i have a 7 year old son and a 5 year old daughter and feel the same way. why can’t they just love eachother and play nicely more than not? i also have a 7 week old baby boy who has colic…so not much cuddling here either. mostly he is unhappy and screaming…which is so sad. but through it all i try to remember that god gave these little people to me and they are just that…little people. it is hard enough for me to express my feeling the right way sometimes. as i search the scripture i also see that jesus is close and drawn to the tired, brokenhearted and wounded. so see…jesus it just trying to be close to us mamas. thanks for being so honest and real. sometimes parenting is just messy and hard. i love knowing im not in it alone. thanks also for being my morning cup of coffee…i start everyday with your blog. you always make me smile! xoxo
Beth - Yes. It is so hard. I wonder where they learned to respond like that? I don’t respond like that. Their dad doesn’t respond like that . . with mean words, door slamming, etc. I have been really working on talking calmly, not getting upset/angry myself. It’s hard. And they still respond angrily sometimes. Prayer seems like the only answer! (And by the way, I love Miss Talby’s boots. If they made those in my size, I would have them. Also, those sparkly sneakers that light up. They would be mine.)
Kimberlee J. - Fighting stinks—whether you’re young or old. And it’s exhausting. I’m happy that you blogged about this. I love it when things pour out…everyone reading this surely can relate.
kristin - i can relate. completely. i hate the mom i become so quickly when there is fighting…or complaining…or whining…or backtalking…or ungratitiude…
i’m humbled and ashamed often.
ugh.
but yes, god has a hope for this all. i want to find it.
elizabeth highsmith - my oldest brother and i grew up driving long hours to see my father’s grandparents and we fought. and it was awful, for him. we made the haul for my grandmothers funeral i was ten and we fought i remember my dad asking if we could just really not fight seeing how he was grieving his mother. i hope we stopped fighting. a good ten years later my brother and i made the drive together as grownups for my grandfathers funeral. we didn’t fight, we talked, we had fun. my dad asked numerous times how we made the trip. he was baffled that somehow as adults we’d ceased the grind. i love my brother to pieces-somehow all that fighting made us stronger as grown up friends.
all of that to say i do not have children, but somewhere those cuties know the fighting irks you to to the core. and one day it’ll cease! prayers.
Shaun - You aren’t alone….we’re in the throes of that right now too!
jeana - i just wrote a post about this yesterday. i understand.
Katie - Thank you for your transparency. It’s encouraging to read! My girls are 5, 2, and 9 months, and I know I have some rough years ahead of me as they grow. The older 2 play together pretty well now, but there are days that things seem to all fall apart, and I worry about if my sanity will stay intact in the coming years!
Lately I’ve been encouraging myself by the reminder that kids just tend to act their age. So my 5 year old will act like a 5 year old, and so on. So when they’re 18, they’ll act like 18 year olds, 30 like 30 year olds, and so on. I don’t know why this encourages me, but it does! I guess maybe because it reminds me that they won’t be stuck at a difficult age forever.
I also am encouraged to think that God will slowly change and mature my girls just as He has gradually changed and matured me. God has used my struggles and mistakes to teach and grow me, and the same will be true of my girls. I love to think of myself as a gentle nurturer into adulthood, because growing up and being an adult can sure be hard. If only I was truly gentle with them all the time! Some days I am a pretty nasty mama. 🙁 Thank God His grace is bigger than my mistakes, for me and on behalf of my children.
Trina McNeilly - the fighting is just beginning at my house, with the older two and I’m feeling the same way. Crazy. I totally remember doing the fighting as a kid. Of course never thought about how it made my mom feel. I just wish it wasn’t so non-stop. And I just wish that I didn’t feel like I have to yell to talk over the fighting. That does no good. It’s hard to know what to do and then when you think you might have an idea, stick to it. I’m with you…. prayer. What else? xo
Julie - For me its the hardest part of being a parent, you are not alone.
Jeannette in Plant City, Fl - Oh my, were you just in my living room…….I just had a blow up with my 14 year old and 5 year old about all of the things you just mentioned!!!!!! I’m tired and feel like I am at my wits end most days. There is lots of prayer involved on my end, I will pray for the both of us that God gives us the strength.
Daniele Valois - holy heck the fighting eats me alive! When they get along, I ask them to kiss and be lovey, just for me, but it doesn’t work. I never stop asking though!
These photos are some of my favorites! I have been so into taking the feet shots too. The swing shots are great!!!
Tracey Garcia - This post made me cry. I had the most awful afternoon with my youngest today. He threw a couple of fits and screamed at me a couple of times. Then I threw a fit and lost my temper. And I made him cry and broke his little heart. And I felt horrible and held him and told him how sorry I was for losing my temper and making a bad choice. Mommy-ing is sooo hard. All I want to do is snuggle them and love them. And then real life gets in the way! I’m glad you had a great day to enjoy with the girls! 🙂 I’m hoping tomorrow is just as great for me and my boys. Tracey
Sheridan Eketone - So needed this today Meg! So so agree with everything you said. Have been feeling overwhelmed by it all this week, so glad to know I’m not alone! God is good & he has given us such a beautiful family & I WILL enjoy every moment.. good & bad! 🙂 Your blog makes me smile! Dieng for the shop to open! Hope you ship to NZ 🙂 🙂 🙂
Kate @ Songs Kate Sang - Totally, Totally relate. Nate is going to bed 30 minutes early tonight. We did not have cake on Monday. It’s been an interesting Spring Break.
Katie Sellers - I have the 3 year old who thinks her mom hung the moon and the baby who is cuddly and lovey…I dread the fighting that I know will come. Tell me about the good part of them growing older so I have something to balance it out against. There is always good with the bad, right?
Kris Grover - Weeeel, hate to scare you, but it is going to get worse, most likely. My two girls are 30 & 28 now, and when they were teens…OMG…watch out. They couldn’t pass each other in the hallway without an all out war in the mornings before school! I do NOT miss those days!!! Your girls are beautiful!!! Just tune them out!
katherine - No, you aren’t the only one feeling like this.
Geez, I’ve still got a lot of years of parenting ahead of me.
Thanks for going before me, and sharing about it.
It helps.
Karen Gerstenberger - Look at how many comments there are on this unplanned, honest post! It must be ministering to you AND your readers. Thank you for your courage and love, expressed to your kids and to us here. That’s why we love you and keep coming back.
I felt the same way when our kids fought. Since she passed away, there is only one kid, and he is at college most of the year. When he’s home, he likes to fight with me (not with his dad). What’s with that, I ask you? I think it’s because we are alike.
Love to you, Meg.
Holly Cox - My kids fight a lot too…it is exhausting…unbelievable exhausting. Believe in yourself, Meg….and I’ll believe in myself, too!
Gina - Thanks for reminding that I’m not only parent to agonize over this.
Thanks for reminding that the most important thing I can do is get on my knees and pray. I forget that sometimes, too often actually. I needed this reminder today!
Maureen - Thoughts to share- My mom and her sister were 4 years apart with a brother in between and one after. All the time that I was growing up, my mom and aunt were best of friends and we lived 3 blocks away from each other’s families. I have 5 brothers and no sisters so I always was so intrigued and envious of their relationship, Once I asked, “Were you and Auntie always best friends?” Her answer, “Good Lord, no! We couldnt’ stand each other all thru high school and college years. We fought like cats and dogs growing up. It wasn’t until we started to both have babies and raise families that we got so close.” My aunt and mom have both been widowed for years and really relied on each other. My aunt died 2 weeks ago at 85 and my mom at 81 says, “So hard to think of the world without my big sissie in it, I miss her so…” Your girls will always have each other plus the brothers…
mandy friend - i feel the same. we do it ‘right’ and they are still little heathens…
TonyaElise - There are four kids in my family. Four kids in eight years. Perfect space between each for fighting. And we did. All the time.
But now…my siblings are my best friends. All three of them. And we are experiencing things with each other. Marriage. Babies. First homes.
It is wonderful. I’m so thankful my parents had four. And so glad they endured all the fighting. And so glad they prayed through raising us.
I have the best life because of the family I came from and am a part of. It is all worth it. You are giving your kids a great life.
Denissa - I’m right there with you! NEVER did I imagine all the fighting that would come along w/ siblings..that is completley magnitized when they are sick! Which we have been dealing with too. Sometimes it is just comforting to know that others are there with you too, but most importantly God is..halleluyah for that!! 🙂
BELLE PHELPS - about to write this on my own blog, but I will write it here first….
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” (and while typing this, I told Luke to shut up under my breathe…nice…and he heard me…HAHAHA)
ANYWAY……….
keep doing what you do
bake the cookies
talk nicely when you can (it IS hard)
respond out of faith
and PRAY YOUR ASS OFF
they see this
they do
they will imitate it
they will grow up to be beautiful like you
and they cant fight forever…right?? RIGHT? OH PLEASE SAY RIGHT!!!
my kids are fighting as I write this and it is CRACKING ME UP!!!
love you
hope
clarity
strength
courage
I pray it ALL DAY LONG
I will pray it for you too 🙂
Robin - You might enjoy the info at familycolorworks.com. All about personality types and how we interact as a family unit! And it’s COLORFUL!!! 🙂
tara pollard pakosta - I totally get it.
my girls get along 90% of the time, but that 10% it can be reallY UGLY: i hate you’s, your this, your that, blah blah. sickening when it happens. yup prayer is the ONLY thing that can save your sanity!
how about having them pray for each other? I find that really helps!!!
xoxo
tara
sharon - my kids are in their late teens and early twenties now. my advice, talk quietly, it makes them listen AND remind them that “after mommy and daddy are old and gone, they will only have each other to count on” haha, rather drastic but i remember it would get their attention. good luck!
Leanne Mackenzie - Hi Meg,
I have been following for a while, and just had to say, these words could be mine right now.
My eldest son is 8 and I am exhausted by his outbursts and tantrums which are relatively new for him. Not to mention the fighting that goes on between 4 children anyway!
Thank you for this post, it has made me feel less alone in this struggle. I was meant to read this today 🙂
Leanne xo
Ry (AKA: LUCY) - Cool! It was warm here too. Today we played tennis and walked. It was really fun!
-Ryebrynn
chasity - we’ve been going through the same thing at our house…
having two girls that are two years apart.
i think that the hormones are already playing a part for girls at 7 and 9!!
and while fighting may be the “norm”…it is not going to be acceptable with me.
i have read MANY books…most of them not so helpful. but the latest book i read had some really great information and advice.
it was called ‘keep the siblings. lose the rivalry’
i had a very good bible study/heart to heart talk with my girls and we made some new family guidelines.
they still have their moments but things have definitely improved over the past couple of weeks.
watching them get along….laughing…playing…reading together.
that is my greatest and happiest moments as a mom.
you should check out the book from the library.
very insightful.
have a great family night together!
chasity
Nancy - I am so with you. Especially being a mother to 2 girls, they can really be hot or cold. BFF or at each other’s throats. I have found like you said, just giving it to the Lord, does help. A chocolate chip cookie or two does too! 🙂 Hang in there. Your family is just beautiful and I appreciate your real-ness.
Canada Gal - Good timing for this post. I just had a big talk last night with a good girlfriend of mine regarding this issue. “Birdie Blue”‘s comment is completely spot-on. That’s the way I started out with my kids (strict, good boundaries) and somewhere along the way in the last couple of years I strayed and it shows. They sass me, and treat eachother poorly on a more regular basis. Not good. Today I was back on the strict ‘take no crap disrespect’ from 4.5YO and almost 3YO (both girls) and already things are way better. Doesn’t mean I don’t love them, they just need to know that mama (and dad) are boss and we’re just trying to help them learn to be the best people they can be, well that and respectable citizens, which sometimes I think has gotten lost in today’s society.
Anyway, love your blog Meg.
Kirsten J - Totally normal. And here’s a theory: I’m 10 years older than my sister, and 3 years older than my brother. My sister and I never fought – I mothered her, and still do. Today? We’re really not the best of friends. My brother and I fought and fought. And today we’re great friends. Vacation together, talk regularly. My mom has an Irish twin and they fought terribly growing up, she has 5 other siblings, but is closest to that sister. I predict you are laying a great foundation for your kids, and they will be the best of friends. Now, if I could only survive my own fights with my daughter. Phew!!!!!
Lisa Currie-Gurney - THOSE UNPLANNED, JUST POUR OUT OF YA POSTS… ALWAYS THE BEST! SO GOOD WHEN WE ALL FEEL NORMAL.
THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR HEART MEG.
HUGS FROM MINE
Karen - how is it that so many of have had similar days?? Mine are almost 2 and almost 4 and beat the tar out of each other. It angers me, saddens me, defeats me and makes me feel like I’m failing at modeling Jesus to them. There are days that I feel so overwhelmed with it and tell my hubby that I’m not sure I can handle any more kids though we both would love a big family. I grew up with two brothers – the oldest is 4 years older than I am, the other in between us- we fought hard- all.the.time. I remember my mom’s tears and her pleading with us to be kind, pleading with us to recognize that when we grown up, we will want to be able to lean on each other- for we are the only ones who have all these shared memories together. I remember it sticking with me and somewhere around the time the oldest started college and my other bro and I were in high school- it just clicked with all of us big time. We are all super close now that we are in our 20’s and 30’s. They are the first ones I call when I need a listening ear or someone who really gets me. My mom is reaping the benefits of years of prayer, and years of telling us the same thing over and over again. I imagine it makes her momma heart so overjoyed to see us now choosing to spend time together. You are a great mom- one who is inspiring other moms every day with your unique ability to say it like it is, to encourage us by your realness and by showing us new ways to love on our kids (craft day happens often around here now!).
Raylene - I don’t know why siblings fight…most do and I did with my brother. I still regret it. The last time I remember fighting with him was when my mom say us both down and said “we all live together for such a short period of time..can’t we all just get along?” It made me cry. And not fight with my brother anymore.
I’m sure my mom had to have the same feelings you do. Hang in there!
Sarah@this farm family's life - I LOVE Talby’s boots!
http://www.thisfarmfamilyslife.blogspot.com
Trish - fighting is the pits… it really does deplete me and makes me on edge. today was rough.
Leyla - Honey-child; all I can say is that kids have us reeled in as babies, otherwise; we’d return them! We all feel like failures as parents. My belief is that it is the difficult stuff and the stuff that makes us feel like failures that actually challenges us to be better parents. Reading your blog, you are a good mom. Make peace with your girls fighting, know that they love each other, and trust that God is working through them. They will be thick-as-thieves as adults. My sisters (4 of us) used to even get in physical fights and we are very close as adults. We still fight but we make up too.
sue - My eldest boy is 31 now and I can tell you that time flies.It won’t last forever and when its gone you long for it back. Chin Up. !!!
Teresa - I’ve been a stalker on this blog for a while (and I TOTALLY LOVE IT!!!), but being that I have a sister and she and I are 15 mo apart, I felt compelled to comment today…
It sucks, but it is normal. It’s not easy. They will probably spend more time not liking each other than they will liking one another for the next several years. I’m sorry. Two things that I remember my parents doing (which probably means that these worked) were 1. taking the slammed doors off of the hinges and then just not having a door for a week or so. It was LAMESAUCE, but I totally thought twice before slamming the next door! And, 2. making both of us sit on the couch HOLDING HANDS for however long Mom felt it was necessary. It was HORRIBLE!!!
It’s all about surviving. Take lots of deep breaths and have lots of coffee dates, and say lots of prayers! AND, keep making cookies and being an AWESOME Mom because their fighting it isn’t about you, you just get to reap the benefits. Hang in there!
Dianne - whoa…God must have known that I needed to hear that someone else was having this issue today too! I’ve been thinking that all I’ve been doing today is yelling at my kids who are yelling and fighting at each other the whole time. EXHAUSTING. I think that prayers are all that we can do…pray for them to get through this time…and prayers for our own knowledge of how to best deal with these situations. Hang in there…I’m trying to, too 😉
jill - I hate when my kids fight, breaks my heart. I savor the moments when they get along so well.
xo~Jill
Rebecca - The fighting can be awful, can’t it? Now that I am a momma myself, I think back to the torture my brothers and I (mostly my brothers, lol) put my parents through. It helps me to remember this on the tough days: childhood prepares for adulthood. All this fighting; with you, with each other, with their friends, is teaching them to be adults. If all they knew was how to be peaceful, how would they ever learn to fight fair? Disagreements are sometimes unavoidable, and I take a little heart in knowing that if they develop their disagreement skills now, they will have better marriages, roomate situations, etc. AND, they will be better able to guide their own kids through the minefield of childhood. You’re doing a great job and setting a brilliant example, so hang in there!
rosemarie - i remember my mom’s friend telling me when her kids fight that was the worse thing… now that i have kids i see how she was right it hurts mothers alot to see her kids being rude to each other.
Valerie @ Chateau A La Mode - Uh, hello, you and your family are called, “Normal”. It would be really weird if you all got along all of the time…now that’s a problem. Thank goodness we have prayer on our side.
lucy - put them to work! my girls are 8,10,12 and there are LOTS of jobs they can do.in fact, if they start ‘it’ I tell them go ahead, fight, I have lots of jobs I need done 🙂
Vicki - I think in our experience of parenthood there are phases. When they were infants it was sleepless nights, then there was potty training, then comes the independence phase where their job is to push you, the limits, their family, all while in their safety zone where they know no matter how naughty or terrible they are they will still be loved. The beauty of it is that it won’t last forever. But just try telling that to a new, first time mom of an infant. Those words don’t matter when you are in the trenches. I think just like when we were new moms we need to be surrounded by other moms in the same phase of parenthood who can commiserate with us and we can try on ideas and tips that have helped ease the pain of a particular phase. I have to apologize to my kids all the time. For losing it, not using my nice words, getting upset. I don’t want them to grow up and become mothers and think, “how did she do it, she just always had it together and was calm.” I want them to grow up and know that as a HUMAN you will fail. And when you do you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and say your sorry. I love that tomorrow morning will come, I will pray the same prayer, and little by little my God is going to help me get where he wants me to be.
steph - oh how i love to read this.
not b/c i like to know that you’re in a tough spot right now…
but to know that you and i are the same.
i think that means we’re normal?! i think? ha ha!
i’m hoping so with all these other comments, at least.
the fighting… oh the fighting.
why is it so hard?
i feel like i’m constantly fighting with my own girls, or they are fighting each other.
so much yelling… so much grumpiness… so many expectations (from me and for them).
this mothering thing is dang hard.
i feel like giving up some days…
and all of a sudden you get a nugget… a perfect view of why you’re doing what you’re doing.
and yours came today with your two girls playing like friends in the yard.
how wonderful!
i hope those times come more often for you… and for me… and for all of us struggling.
hugs and prayers to you, my friend!
we can all do this together. right?!
you are awesome!!! xo
Amy - Meg…you’ve already gotten 63 comments….I’m sure they are FULL of ‘you’re normal’ and ‘you’re AWESOME’….which is totally true!
I deal with it daily….I struggle with it and wonder….is it just me?
PARENTHOOD….NO ONE told me it was only to get harder as they get older….it does!
Keep smiling and keep posting the real you…
Meg Duerksen….people like you! (A little SNL parody for you!)
Nicole Q. - Loved this post – so relate – I think I posted some similar thoughts not long ago — i really agree with your statement on it being a “a surprise in parenting”. I think it caught me off guard too. Glad to know I’m normal.
Short, Sweet Season - My little sister is 13 months younger than me. We fought and fought as little girls. I even bit the feet off her Barbies once!! Horrible, I know. We became best friends after college and are so close and encouraging with one another now. These girls make me think so much of us. They will be close one day. The fighting will stop! 🙂
Gina - Funny you posted this today as just last night I was at Bible Study (we’re doing a Precept Upon Precept study of Matthew) God convicted me greatly over “Blessed are the peacemakers.” Because I am weary of being a peacemaker between my children. I don’t want to do it. I often expect them to deal with…which is sinful on my part. They aren’t born knowing how, or WHY for that matter, to be peaceful. They’re born with tiny selfish hearts and every fight, every outburst of anger, every fit, I should view as another opportunity to point them to Christ and their need of the cross. To remind them (and myself!) that we do have hearts of stone and we can’t be kind and loving on our own…BUT because of God’s great love, he’ll take away our hearts of stone and give us hearts of flesh.
Do I do this? No. Not often. My oldest is 4 and I’m due with # 4 in a few weeks and rarely do I see all the fights and fits in this light. I grow weary and lose sight of the cross…but God is faithful.
Tanya @ Life in 3D - You’re singin’ my song Meg.
How can it be that I just thought of you (really randomly) this morning and thought…is she just happy all the time…does she just take everything in stride??
I too have been taken off-guard by this side of parenting. My kids are 2 and 4 and they squabble a lot. They also seem to whine a lot.
I have also wondered…where on Earth am I going to get the strength to deal with this or change this or whatever you’re supposed to do with “this”. I’m not a natural at tuning it out or staying emotionally uninvolved. It wares on me, there are days when it defeats me.
Yes prayer! Prayer is not the least we can do in any given situation…it is the MOST we can do.
Chin up…Spring is on the way:)
Candy - Boy do I know how you feel. I am constantly talking to my kids about being kind to one another, saying kind words, having a good attitude. I feel like a broken record, and I know that I fail many many times, I lose it with them when they never seem to get it. That is when I hit my knees and pray, but prayer should come first before the meltdowns! I can tell when we are going to have a good day, its the days that I pray before the day even gets started, it always helps to have my mind right before I jump on the parenting train! Thanks so much for sharing, you are such an encouragement!
Tina I - Oh, you must have been in my car w/ my 5 kids today, or outside, or in the bathroom, or anywhere more than 1 of them are at any given time. If you figure out how to make the fighting stop, will you please let me know? I continually pray for peace. Not for the world, but for our CRAZY household. Good luck.
Michelle - Here is how I look at it. My sister and I hated each other, we would fight, we fought with my mom, we argued about stupid meaningless things. And now we are best friends. We love each other, we love our parents, we turned out ok. I think hormones and the pains of growing make you crazy, but you always come back around.
Sometimes you just need someone to say, you’re doing a good job and raising upstanding citizens. And Meg, you are.
Beth - Normal? Yes. Still frustrating? YES! Oh my, you spoke straight to my heart! The fighting, the non-stop-make-me-yell kind of fighting makes me crazy sometimes. I fail so much, too, but am trying. Prayer. you said it, right now, it’s a mommy’s only hope.
🙂
Beth
Meredith - word.
Jenny Joy - I have no wisdom. But, I do have understanding. I could have written your post word for word. And all I know is that I’m so exhausted by it all. I just want some peace. And one day, I might very well have it. But, for now, with four loud, chaotic kids hanging around, all the peace I can seem to find is in the bottom of a coffee cup, or behind the lens of a camera, or in mindlessly kneading bread until my wrists hurt. So, I’m going to grab hold of that peace. Refuse to let it go. At least it’s something.
Charlotte - i am so glad i follow your blog…
thank you for sharing..honestly…
beautiful pix. and heartfelt thoughts…
your posts are always a pleasure to read.
xo
birdie blue - mine argue occasionally, but don’t really fight. i have four girls…14, 12, 10 and 3.
maybe, it’s because i don’t allow them to speak disrespectfully to me, or to each other (they’re working on that part). i think kids really like firm boundaries, the clearer you can draw the line between what’s acceptable, and what isn’t, the better.
i’m strict, and you have to get up and follow-through on everything. by that i mean, if you say ‘don’t do something’ and they ‘do it’, you better have a logical consequence to implement. i cannot stand when children ‘talk back’ to their parents, i just won’t have it. never have, never will. not easy, but totally do-able. it’s all about respect really. speaking respectfully to them, and expecting respectful talk in return.
Lindsay - Ahh. I needed this today. Thanks.
I only have 1 kid (pregnant with #2) but today I was sitting at the table listening to her and wondering what the hell I did wrong today.
I hope she wakes up in a better mood. Blah.
Christa - Meg,
I feel like you looked in my windows and wrote this post, right down to being surprised by it. I don’t remember fighting this much with my siblings growing up.
We are on a two week break from school right now which makes it all a little nutty here. Good thing the sun is shining.
It feels as if it doesn’t matter how hard I try…(sigh)
Alisha Gibb - Oh, wow! You summed it up for so many parents! I have a 13 year old step son who considers me his mortal enemy. We share custody so I REALLY have to put forth the extra effort to just get along and let certain things go. I fail miserably a lot. I beat myself up about it a lot! I can see the effects of this strained relationship on my own children. I constantly pray for peace and stability. I have faith that one day it will come. Thank you for your honesty.
Jen Brandt - It’s therapeutic. You needed it. We need it. We’ve all been there or are there. My 3 and 6 year old daughters do it too. It is very trying. We’ll make it. Prayers.
Fiona - Oh, how I feel your pain. I’ve been following your blog for a while and I love your honesty and openness. I have 3 boys, 8 and twin 6 year olds. Some days I just want to run away especially when the fighting starts. And I can’t understand how they can be so mean and vicious one minute and best friends the next. Maybe that’s God’s hand reaching down.
But you explained it so well. The frustration, the lack of patience. I feel like a failure sometimes too and a bad Mom when I shout back. But I come on here and you and so many others have the same frustrations and I think maybe I can get through one more day.
My kids asked the other day what was the best job I ever had. After thinking I realized that even with all the fights and arguments being a Mom is the best. The rewards of kisses and hugs and ‘I love you’ outweigh the bad times.
With that in mind and God beside us I think we can get through the ‘tough’ times.
Meg Carter - No worries Meg. My sister and I did the same thing yelled, slammed doors, threw things at each other. One incident of me pouring ice water all over her. Now we are the best of friends and laugh at all of that. It will pass (unfortunately it is not for a while) Hang in there.
Shannon - errrrr Why do they Grow Up!!!! I know I have hard times ahead with two girls…let’s just hope I can always remember how sweet and cute they were when they were little 🙂
Lari - I know exactly what you mean. My boys fight (what seems like) all the time lately. Especially #2 and #3. It wears on me. I hate it because when they get along it’s so great, they have so much fun together. I don’t have an answer, but you are not alone in feeling this way. I think it’s just part of being siblings. Sigh…would be nice if there was a quick fix!
Shelly - I swear you jumped into my head and wrote EXACLTY what I was feeling! Its nice to know its not only at my house! Not that, that will make you feel any better! Hope you have a wonderful rest of your day!
Janelle - Yes. I was just mentioning to my husband the other night…remember when the kids were an infant, 2, 4, and 6? (They are now 4, 6, 8, 10). Everything seems SO much easier back then…but back then it didn’t! Remember bottles, naps, cuddling, having them glued to Little Einsteins. Much, much easier the younger they are. This morning my boys (the 10 and 8 year olds) got into a toothpaste fight. Toothpaste everywhere…it’s like they grow older and grow harder!
Tricia - You are not alone! I have one child, a five year old boy. I love him so very much, but lately he has been driving me completely nuts. He argues and uses such a mean voice and what is even worse is that sometimes I hear myself using that same voice back to him. I have to remind myself that he is (really!) a great kid who is growing and changing and trying to figure out his world. I have to pray for patience (again and again). I have to try not to curse the makers of Legos for making Star War ships that will not stay together, no matter what we try (today’s battle!). I have to remember to thank God for this boy of mine. We just have to keep trying…
Jenni - I’m sitting here bawling because I just sent my four year old to her room – again – for the nasty attitude. It kills me. I take it personally, too. I just don’t get how someone who has never known anything bad, who has been raised in a home filled with all the non-harming, careful language, calm voices, can have developed such a mean streak. I fear that it will never end and ohmygosh she’s only four! I can’t even imagine what she’ll be like in ten years.
Iris Brown - Are we parenting the same children? :)Your reading my mail. Thanks for putting to words and in your blog what I feel & fight with daily. I feel such a failure when I see the Duggar Mom on tv(mom of 17 kids) not yell at all when disciplining her kids!!!!???? I know they probably edited some stuff out, but that’s why real moms like you are so refreshing in keeping things real with your struggles and victories. Thank you.
On another note, can you give gardening tips? I’ve seen pictures of your bouquets and garden in full bloom and would like to do the same with my postage stamp of a back yard. What type of flowers do you have? I recognized some of them. I live in MN and think have similar climates/times to plant. Just when you have a moment in your long “To do” list.
Jennifer Rizzo - Meg, My girls beat the living snot out of each other. I keep asking my husband- are we sure we didn’t have boys. And the mean things that come out of their mouths…. this is all in first and second grade!!!! I feel you pain…..
Sarah @ Handbags*N*Pigtails - Being cooped up all winter was doing the same thing to my girls(5 & 7). Last weekend we moved the little one into her own room(the small guest room). Its done WONDERS for their relationship…and therefore my sanity!:) I know not everyone has that option but its worked very well for us. My girls are normally the best of friends but being shut up indoors for so long day, day in and day out, would do that to anyone!
Have a wonderful day! Today its supposed to get near 60 degrees which is like a miracle for this time of year in NY!
XO,
Sarah
Julianne Brimner - Oh thanks for sharing…I can so identify with this…my sister and I were 10 months apart and I remember us fighting and bringing my mom to tears…but now we love each other immensely. I had two boys three years apart and they fought, still fight at times (getting better though). I have talked to friends who have kids close together, all boys, all girls, etc., etc. and the fighting always seems to be there. So we pray and cry some and pray some more….I know this too will pass but I agree it is one of the surprising parts of parenting. Go get a good sonic drink or cup of joe and breathe deeply.
rhonda - Oh YES! i feel that way too….I once asked my two (now 6 and 8) out of frustration: WHY do you fight so much?
the oldest just cocked her head and looked dumbfounded: ‘Cause we’re sisters!
And that about sums it up perfectly.
Hang in there!
Valerie Page - You are not alone. I have days like that. In our house, we just started this new thing that they have to say 3 positives about their day at dinner and have to give a compliment about each other at bed time. It’s cute. They scream a compliment to each other from their bedrooms right before they fall asleep. Leila (my 9 year old) screamed out to her 12 year old sister, taylor last night….I loved the way you did your hair today.
and of course my 12 year old struggles at times with kind things to say to her “annoying little sister”. But she screamed back….I liked your dress that you wore to your award assembly at school today.
This helps at bed time so there are no arguments. Have to admit it’s working and I go to bed less stressed. It’s good for my 2 year old, Ivy to see them compliment each other too:)
Kari - I soooo know what you mean! We have four kids and they seem to fuss and fight all the time. They are 10, 12, 14, and 17 – parenting tweens/teens is kicking my butt! I, too, was very surprised about all the sibling fighting. My siblings are quite a bit older than me so I never experienced any of that. Everyone says it’s normal but it is hard to take day after day. I also cherish those rare moments where they are talking/laughing/playing together. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt post!
Tracy Fisher - Thank you for talking about siblings “fighting”. I can’t stand it either. Mine decide to wait until I am working at 10pm (shouldn’t they be asleep)… or in the car (in 3rd row where I can’t reach them)… or in front of the grandparents (that’s the worst!… because it makes me feel doubly the worst mom ever). Anyway, thanks for being real. And don’t you just love it when they get along and are loving on each other. Reminder to take lots of photos.
Tracy Fisher
happygirl - Thanks for blogging even when you are tired of fighting kids. Thanks for catching them when they are being sweet. I love your blog.
RebeccaH - fighting is a fact of life for us as well – mostly it is between my daughter and myself, and since she is only five, i’m thinking i have really got to get some answers to this or it will be a long 13 years ahead of us. like you i try. like you i fail. i find that i am 100% better prepaired to address and navigate the tough times when my focus is on God. i find that if I can shift her focus to what is good and what is right then she is much more easily defused. this is part of life. part of shaping and molding and teaching. yes, it is a fact for most of us. no, we do not have to resign to it as a permanent fixture. hang in there. i will be praying for you and your family, as i’m sure you are also praying. thanks for sharing yourself so honestly. you are an amazing woman of God and an inspiration to many.
Hannah - There is a book coming out in May that you REALLY should read. It’s called Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson. It’s a very refreshing perspective to be reminded of how to parent our kids in light of the grace we have been shown through Jesus Christ. Check out http://www.givethemgrace.com
Kattastik.wordpress.com - The Family Virtues Guide from this project :http://www.virtuesproject.com/homepage.html are VERY helpful with teaching one’s children (and one’s self)to live with less fighting and more good.
Jules - Amen to everything you just said. And yes, prayer is the answer! THANKS for the reminder!!!
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog!
Spring greetings from a kindred spirit! 🙂
Ana M - I feel your words like as they are mine…
So hard to parenting, so exhausting…
Tired and weary…
But somehow, someway we mothers, do stand up again and move forward, don’t we?
And, thinking of that, you still have the strength to go outside and take pictures of some good and rare moments of your girls…
I admire you…
Love,
Sabrina L - Thank you, thank you, thank you. My kids aren’t old enough to fight with each other yet, but my 6 year old argues with me ALL THE TIME. About everything. It’s exhausting and I’ve started to feel like I’m failing as a parent. So nice to know that I am not alone. And like the poster above, I also have a cute, cuddly 18 month old baby in diapers who slams, throws and screams all day long. I almost prefer the fighting.
Brook - I could have written this myself!! Our house has been filled with fighting lately. Our kids used to get along so well and all the sudden the oldest ones seem to hate each other. It just hurts my heart. I had 6 siblings and boy did we argue about EVERYTHING! When my kids fight I want to call my mother and apologize for the arguing I did! I love all my siblings now and we get along so well so I have hope for the future! Thanks for this post it made me feel better!
Tamsen Fussell - Just to make you laugh: my youngest(6) informed me the other day concerning her older sister(12)- “Emily is being ridiculous, I’m fed up to here and I’ve had all I can take! I’m going in for a nap!” Who DOES that? Cause I’m pretty sure I’VE never said anything like that before…Gotta laugh or you’ll cry, Sister!
Kim - I have three girls, ages 5, 8, and 10. I can totally relate.
Ali - I can definitely relate to this post! I can’t wait for a time when they play nicely together, or when they are each to wrapped up in their own activities that they don’t have time nor desire to fight with each other. I doubt this time will ever come, but I have hope. They’re still little, and I still have hope. BUT, I remember fighting with my siblings all through life. I am an identical twin, and my sister and I fought tooth and nail. Even our little brother was a major brat and totally a whiney baby. But, now that we’re grown, we are the BEST of friends. I can honestly say that when I look back on my childhood, I don’t even remember the fights…I only remember the fun and the love. Seriously. Hang in there Meg! They will no doubt be best friends one day and will be having playdates with their kids and having special sister outings and they will be so grateful that they have each other! I know it 🙂
Flower Patch Farmgirl - I feel ya.
I am actually counting the number of times today that Ruby spontaneously bursts into tears. Just for fun. Just as a diversion to the INCESSANT crying. It’s usually because Calvin sat in the brown chair or beat her to the front door or something equally earth-shattering.
Also, I have a cuddly-ish baby(ish) who wears diapers and slams things, throws things, hits things, screams things. ALL. Day. LONG.
Wanna babysit???
Luckygirlamy - i stumbled upon your blog today following a link from Pinterest…
and am so glad i did!
i read through your post twice, absorbing your words & rejoicing in realizing i could have spoken the same words. as a mom, just the knowledge that someone else is out there, feeling just like you, failing just like you, praying & trusting in God just like you.
Thank you…
Abby B - When my sisters and I were this age we fought like cats and dogs too, but now they are hands down two of my best friends. Your kids will grow out of this and end up realizing that sisters are fantastic, it just takes time to grow up and realize it I suppose.
Adrienne S - You took the words right out of my mouth:)
Kim - Love your honesty Meg. Your pictures really capture the amazing bond of sisters.
The pic of annie jumping on the trampoline in her ruby reds is to die for. Everything about that shows joy!
You are doing a great job. I am not a mom, but I can tell from what you wrote that it is a challenge now – but I’m certain you will reap the fruit in the years to come.
amy - Unplanned posts are some of the best! Praying for you (and secretly not wanting my kids to get older!!)
kathleen - oh me, this is me, every word, every feeling. We have six, and when I pictured our big family (before we had them), the fighting never entered into my mind. I never knew how down it would make me, how much it would try me to the very core some days, and how much sin would flow from me as a mother. I am always wondering what I have done wrong? I am so thankful that I had no idea! I love em’ so much, but man, the hardest job ever. And the part you wrote about missing those baby years, I have thought that so much over the past year. My oldest is 12, so I am just now realizing how everyone is getting older and bigger and I feel older. I have longed so many times to be able to go back and start over, pregnancies and all, to be a young mother again. I miss it. I do have my sweet fella’ still only 18 months, but wow he’s growing faster than any of the others. We’re pretty sure he’s the last little one, and oh that makes me sad. And it’s good to see them grow, and SO GOOD when they are kind to each other. And even better when they say sorry for their wrongs against each other and really mean it.
Well anyway, this post really struck home and I had to finally comment on your dear blog. I love it and thank you for always sharing so faithfully the good and the bad…it’s a comfort and an encouragement to me! Take care girl!!
Bailey - You’re definitely NOT the only one. I’m currently exhausted and depleted by it as well, my oldest, who just turned 5 (only 5, I thought this was something for pre-teens?) is developing an attitude problem as well call it. Some days are fabulous, and thank God for those days because they do help the bad days (in other words, at least they aren’t all bad days).
Courtney Walsh - I have been thinking this same thing lately, wondering if there’s a reason, something I’m doing, that causes them to not be nice, or to be selfish. I think maybe they just haven’t quite learned to ask for what they want and to express their feelings…and my tendency is to get so frustrated by that. I really struggle with it. The fighting makes me nuts!
I’ve also got three strong personalities meshing with my own…and I’m trying to build future leaders. Good lord, it’s a lot of pressure. But I agree with you. It’s normal. We fought when we were kids too. Being able to send them outside is a god-send!!!
Love Annie’s red shoes, btw! 🙂
brooke - Thanks for sharing so vulnerably with us. I have two one year olds and I find myself yearning for them to be more independent, out of diapers, and off their bottles. Thanks for perspective.
I have been memorizing this verse. It’s been an encouragement to this mommy!
GALATIANS 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for in the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
karen - Oh you said it best.
“no matter how well i speak….
no matter how well i care for them….
no matter how many cookies i make….
it doesn’t make them nice.”
my 3 1/2 year old is just starting to slam the doors! and my 9 month old is still unaware of it all.
I feel like i am doing something wrong.
ashlee - i feel this way all the time. i was an only child so i was totally unprepared for the fighting. my kids are so kind and sweet and loving… to other people! i cant figure out why they aren’t that way to each other!
*sigh* prayer is all i have as well. and i am so thankful for that.
Wendy - I have 3 girls …. and when they fight – I make them hug & tell the other “I love you”! Doesn’t work all the time – but sometimes it’s just corny enough to make them giggle cause they soooo don’t want to do it!
Jodi - My brother and I fought constantly… to the point where hard objects where thrown and other things that could have really hurt us… but now? we’re like best friends. He still gets on my nerves, don’t get me wrong. But it IS normal for them to fuss and fight.. it just is! :o)
God’s got it… you don’t have to worry. :o)
Amy - Oh, preach it, sister. My oldest 2 (both boys) are 6 & 4. And their fighting has resulted in many a gray hair for this Momma. (I refuse to accept it as genetics. I also plan on using it -much like my pregnancy stretch marks – to hold over their heads when they’re about 16-52. Hopefully that works. *wink*) This winter, my most dreaded season, has been brutal for us. The problem w/ their fighting is there is very often no right or wrong person. No clear line in the sand. No winner. Makes it hard to settle matters. I need to be on my knees more…praying for me to demonstrate self-control & patience. I fail so often. I don’t want to be *that* mother… Sigh. Yes, Lord, bring on the warm weather!! This granola girl needs the outdoors!! 😉
Melanie - Hang in there! I am an only child and have an only child so I don’t have all the fighting etc. I have been really lucky and have no attitude from my almost 17 year old.
One day at a time.
Andrea - So glad to hear that I am not the only one who has had fighting kids lately (not that I am glad yours are, but you know – the kinship of it all). The past two nights they have gone out in the backyard and played NICELY together! I felt like if I heard one more of them say something mean or take something or hit someone or… I was going to explode on them. Then I hear God say “Take deep breaths Andrea and walk away til you calm down.” Now, when the kids hear me taking deep breaths, they say “Uh oh Momma is taking deep breaths!”
Tammy Miller - Hi Meg,
I have just started reading your blog recently. I just want to let you know how much you have touched my heart, and my life. You are so honest, open, vulnerable. I am so encouraged by you, your heart for the Lord is amazing. I am so happy to find a woman who is not trying to show the world that she has the perfect family with no problems and all the answers. We are all a mess!!! Thats why we so desperately need Jesus!!! Just want you to know I look forward to reading your blog everyday. We have lots in common. I love being a wife,a mom, crafting and good recipes. God has given you a special gift and you have used it wisely. I struggle everyday to be a good mom, and my kids fight A LOT!!! Be encouraged today because you are loved!!!!
nancy - i hear ya. i think all mothers do. you’ve survived it with one older girl, you will with these 2 as well.
my girls fought every.single.day. until this year. now they’re inseparable. best friends by choice. sisters by chance. i don’t know what will happen come august when the oldest moves off to college. i’m sure there will be tears. it makes me a happy mama to know that my girls like and love each other. hang in there.
Dana D@BoysMyJoys - I know what you mean!
On days when I feel like I’ve failed terribly, I find myself thinking about my wise grandmothers.
Thinking about how they never seemed to lose their patience with us.
Thinking about how they always seemed to stay so calm.
Thinking about how peaceful and safe their homes always felt.
I WANT THAT!
But, looking back, I think that they got there by years and years of trial by fire.
That’s where we are now!
You’ll get there!
I’ll get there!
And one day, even our kids will get there!
Just keep doing what you’re doing…