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halfway to seventy!

35

today is my birthday.
it's going to be great because i keep saying "it's going to be great" to myself over and over.
to convince myself.

remember my list i made last october?

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i did GET photoshop….i just didn't learn how to use it yet.
i did make a painting but it wasn't the one i was dreaming of in my head so i don't want to count it.
i did NOT sleep till noon….once i slept till 10:30 and stayed in bed till 11:00.
i did NOT lose ten pounds.  i lost 5 though…that is better than none.
i did NOT learn how to cook pork but crystal b. is helping me on that.
i did NOT go dancing.  BOO.  i should have done this…i love dancing.
i did NOT even once think about painting the trim in the craft room.
i did NOT send my friends b-day cards.  good intentions…..
i did NOT do the weekly meal plans.  that was never going to happen…my brain does not work that way.
i did NOT make peppernuts.  THIS is the christmas.  it has to be.
i DID start to sew a quilt.
i did not paint the laundry room….because we are going to gut it eventually….so yay.
i did NOT take a trip with my sister…but we will travel together in the end of october…so we can count that.
i did NOT go camping in a tent outside.  that is a funny one.
i did NOT host a craft weekend at my house….i still want to….something to work on.
i did NOT do a freezer meal swap.  that is ridiculous.  i have to do that again soon!! 

and even after reading all that i do not feel i have failed.

i DID got to africa.
i DID start running.
i DID give up sugar for 3 months.
i DID spend everyday with my kids all summer.
i DID go down a slip n' slide.

 those things count for at least three things each….right?

i don't think i will make another list.
because my everyday to do list is already so long.
but some times i surprise myself.

today….i am going to have a carmel apple martini WITH MY LUNCH because i want to and i can.
i am thirty-five.
the guy didn't card me at walmart for my spray paint OR my beer.
it's official.
i am all groweds up.

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God knows.

just when i reach the end of my rope….my patience is gone….i am acting a little crazy…a lot angry…
God uses people in my life to encourage and uplift me.

i posted that funny video and 30 minutes later the mail came.

there were three gifts in my mail box.
out of the blue.
from kind women….giving to give.
and i don't know any of them in real life.                                            
 
 

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thank you ladies for lifting me up when i was feeling very down.
i love each one so much! 
i felt so special.
 
did that change my mood though?  you would think so but unfortunately….no.
 
i spent my evening griping at everyone….complaining….avoiding my family…
and them avoiding me for fear of my reaction.
craig even tried to cheer me up with a milkshake…it worked for a few minutes.
 
then i took a hot bath and did some reading.
and look what God gave me to read:
 
   "We all want to be good examples for our kids – but how often do we stop and consider what
it really entails?
 
In addition to changing diapers and running carpools, and helping with
science problems, godly women are supposed to be wise, resourceful, hospitable,
encouraging, diligent, creative , generous, faithful, watchful, vigorous, strong and cheerful –
and that's just for starters!  If you think I am making this up, take a look at Proverbs 31.
    Reading this passage used to discourage me.  I'd start by checking off the verses I had
"covered" – things like sewing curtains and dust ruffles, or keeping my lamp burning late in
the night as I made endless "To Do lists.  But no matter how hard I tried,  I  never got much
farther than that.  I was always, as my friend Kenzie likes to put it, "the Proverbs 32 woman".
    But that's where Jesus comes in.  By myself I will never measure up.  No matter how hard I 
try to do everything "right," there will always be times when I let my children down.  Unlike
the Proverbs 31 mother, I will probably never know what it feels like to have my kids get out 
of bed in the morning and call me "blessed!"  But I have learned that the less I rely on my
own abilities and the more I rely on Christ – and the more I let my children see me
depending on him for wisdom, guidance, and strength – the more I will be able to set an
example that's worth following.  Instead of saying "Look at me," I'll be able to say
 
"Look at Jesus."

(pg. 190 of Praying the Scriptures for your Children)

good stuff.
God is so good.
He is the only true happiness and hope and way out from those dark places.

i think i will be fine for tuesday.
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side note: it's 12:44 AM….my entire house has been asleep for an hour.
i am typing in the dark in my bed.
annie just appeared at my bedside….with her sleepy bed head and only her my little pony undies on…
hugged my arm tight and then walked back out of the room.
i love being a mama.

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side side note:  do i sound like a psycho?  
one post saying i want to do so many things the last three days of summer….
the next post saying i am going crazy like a hormonal wolf man with bleeped out swear words….
then talking about how much i love and need jesus and love my kids????
i think i do sound a little bit off.
it's the adjustments….they are coming this week whether i am ready or not.
my baby will be gone….my mornings start so early….and my washing machine is still broken…etc. etc. etc.
i hope to be back to my normal self soon. 

 
 
 
 

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answered (longest post ever made in the history of the world…)

cindy asked "where do you live in Kansas?"

well cindy…that feels strange to just blurt it out to the world…so i will say 
in the very middle of the state.
the good part.

and she asked "what tips do you have for starting a photography business?"

i decided to just give it a try…said yes when people asked me…even though it made me feel sick to my stomach the first 10 times at least.
but i put no pressure on myself.
meaning i said "if this doesn't work, if i am away from my family too much, if i am not good enough, if i am not happy then i will say at least i tried it."  and that would be that.
i have not put any money into marketing the business yet.
it has all been word of mouth…
so my biggest tip is get out there and try.

misty asked me "how do you edit your photos?"

i use the software with iPhoto for all my personal pictures.
i use that and Picnik for my work photos.  i want to learn photoshop but i am big fat chicken.
but it's on my 35 things list so sometime this year i will do it.

she also asked "how do you get so many people to follow your blog?"  

misty…you meant that in a nice way right?
i am sure you did.
i think people come here because….it's colorful…bright…cheerful….focuses on the good…
lots of fun places to click that aren't ads..
or maybe it's to laugh at how cooky i am to have five kids and drag them all over the country for photos?
my first big break was today's creative blog.  and the inspired room after that.  
those were when my stats jumped big time for the first time.
but i am certain they don't come for long wordy post like this one that focus on ME ME ME.
 
and she asked "can you give tutorial on tye dye?"

maybe someday…but it was so stressful this summer that i couldn't focus.  
i just use the box they sell at walmart in the craft dept. and followed the instructions…you can do that!

AND SHE ASKED…"how did i learn to sew?"

i took home ec in high school and made a lovely maroon and yellow Trojans sweatshirt that was never worn because i made it way too small for me on accident.
but then when i quit selling Creative Memories (fun fact right there)
i had a small amount of money to spend…
i bought a wicker loveseat (that my husband threw away when we moved to ks…w/out asking me!!!)
a chenille bedspread (that is now been made into pillows all over etsy)
and a $99 sewing machine from sears with my mother.
she taught me how to thread it, sew a straight stitch and even make a button hole…that was awesome.
thanks mom.

sara asked "what is your favorite room in your house?"

i guess it's the kitchen.  i spend 98% of the day in there so…
the kitchen.

and she asked "what is your favorite restaurant?"

in wichita?  Red Rock Canyon…i love it for dinners with craig on a date.  
it's dark..i have a thing for lighting in restaurants…i don't like to see other people.
and it's good food..a real treat.  
but i will never order the Moo, Cluck and Oink because it's just WRONG.
on a date you should never have to say those words.  
period. 
 
so i order the steak and glazed carrots and smashed potatoes and i am one happy woman.

and my MIL makes cinnamon rolls so i don't think i have had the breadbasket's. 
but i do love their coconut cream merrengae pie.

mindy asked for some "tips on organizing"
ha ha ha.
good one mindy!  you have my family crying with laughter.

i apologize profusely if i have given the illusion that i am organized…
i am not.
we have a few routines but i usually mess those up too.
the chore chart is probably as organized as i get.
and the two middle kids switch off unloading the dishwasher and the two oldest switch off loading it. 

i also do things like forget to pick my kids up from events…
miss programs or promotions…
lock my babies in the car with the keys accidently which resulted in mall security rescuing us…
burn food almost every meal…
and my house is a mess!

abby and sara asked "how did you choose your children's names?"

lauren is named after my sister Lorel.
scott is named after craig's brother that was still born…sweet baby scott.
sean is a name we both liked.
talby is a name i heard (friend of craig's whom i have never met) when sean was a baby and i saved in my head for the next baby.  i love it.  it's so perfect for her.  (it's pronounced like talbot's but it's tal-bee)
and miss annie…we decided when we looked at her.  ann is a family name too.

cassie asked me "have you learned how to cook pork yet?"

it's only been two weeks!!! the answer is no.
but craig made some kind of pork in the crockpot on sunday and it was goooooood.

Heather asked me
"why don't my pictures with my new SLR look any better than with my point & shoot?"

you have to mess with your settings…read photography blogs and do what they say…read books… 
ashleyannkaren russell…they give great tips and i have learned a lot from them.
but just using your auto green square setting won't get you better pictures.
i change my settings almost every time i pick up my camera…because your light is different each time.

and she asked (and many people have asked me this) "how do you get your picture so big on your blog?"

i don't know anything about blogspot.
sorry.

AND she as
ked "will you sell your prints on etsy?"

maybe someday i will heather…when i have some time to focus on the shop…this winter?  hopefully.

meaghen wanted to know "how are your indoor shots so bright."

i shoot in bright rooms.  our kitchen has two walls that are all windows…so it's bright.
i don't shoot in the dark rooms.

 and she asked "what does craig do for a living"

he's a latex salesman.
he's an architect.
he works for the yankees.

another heather wants to know "how can i see chippendales in kansas with you?"

oh heather…i tried to take you…but you insisted on going on a week long trip to hawaii with your husband instead.  ha ha ha ha ha

Kelly asked "can i move in with you" 
 

i might consider this kelly if you agree to take the morning carpool run.
i really dislike getting up at 6:30 and driving all around our town in the near dark listening to 
fighting kids and radio disney.
and you'd have to take over the laundry too…my enemy.

erica asked
"did you always want a big family?"

yes erica, i did.  
always.
craig says five is enough.  
and i respect him because he is my wonderful husband.  
so i only bring up how i long for more babies once a week or so.

but i will agree with him very much that it is not easy having such differing ages in the house.
a high schooler and a baby would be hard for me.
i could do it…but it would be exhausting.  

jennifer asked "can i set up a photo session with you?"

yes.  but in the spring.
i took my last photo session of 2009 today!  
i will use november to finish editing every shoot i have left
and then i will spend december with my family.
then i will sew and fill my etsy shop all winter.
then i will start back up with photo sessions in the spring.
i only take pictures outside (except newborns…they are done in my kitchen all year round) so 
with this weather…i am done till spring.  
jennifer…i will put your email address on my spring schedule list…thanks!

 who else would like to be on that list?  email me.  

diana asked "are we related?"

you have duerksen spelled differently in your comment…so probably not.
but if that was a typo then probably yes.
you know these communities…we are all related pretty much…it's that mennonite blood.
not mine but craig's.

keri asked "what bible study are you doing right now?"

i was going to write a post on that this week!  thanks for asking.
we are studying Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow.
i really really like it…and i don't get anxious.

and she asked "are you dressing up for halloween?"

no.  craig even suggested we skip it this year all together…but the kids wont' agree to that!
we quit buying new costumes a few years ago.
they have to use what we have or come up with something on their own.
no one is ready in the least…it's one day away for school parade, etc.
  

AND she asked "what is your dream job?"

ok…this is corny…i know…
i have my dream job keri.
i am serious.  
i love being a mom and a wife…and now a little bit of a photographer/artist thrown in.
i don't think anything else could satisfy me.

but if you want me to DREAM…let's see…
george clooney's assistant?
i wouldn't get anything done though because i would just be staring into his eyes all day long!

and the last question was from erin… "what did you decide to do with the 3rd floor?"

boring answer for the last question…nothing.
we have many projects in our heads but nothing that we are ready to start on soon.
but i liked the idea of filling it with beds like a dorm…think Facts of Life.

ok…my fingers hurt.
and my eyes are burning from staring at this computer screen.
that was the longest blog post i have ever seen.
go get some visine so you can carry on with your day…i am so sorry.

thanks for asking.
if you like this…let me know in the comments and maybe we'll do it more often.

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it came to me in my sleep.

monday night i could not sleep.

my mind was swirling…thinking…making lists as i laid in the dark.
ideas of projects to make…planning the weeks events….
all while craig snored next to me.

thursday is the day the etsy shops are going to give our donations.
all 194 shops on the same day so the account will show one big jump from etsy.

that is so exciting.

exciting because i can't wait to see the number.
exciting because it will show jess and joel's more love.
exciting because it's humbling to be a part of seeing God's hand in action in many ways each day!
to God be the Glory.

God knew when he whispered to julie "make something for her" what was to come.

God KNEW when heather and molly stepped in to organize.

God knew that over 50 of us would want to make something too.

God KneW that we were planning to end the fundraiser last friday…
so He had the etsy article run on that day…adding over 144 more sellers to the cause!

God knew that Cora's first birthday would have been on thursday and THAT was the day we should give.

God knew that joel & jess would be meeting with the playground builders that day.
And our gift would be there to welcome them.

HE KNEW.  

(do you have goosbumps?)

so…back to the idea that came in the dark.

i have one day left.
everything i made has sold and shipped out (yay!)
i have nothing more made and ready to sell.

BUT I COULD TAKE ORDERS.

so i am filling the shop with possible orders.

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fabrics that will be made in to pillows.

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t-shirts and hoodies that will be all cute after YOU decide what i should put on them just for you.

there is one more day.
order a birthday gift….for next month or this summer.
order something for your best friend or your sister.
order a christmas gift!

it may not work….and that's okay.
i will be alright if you don't like this idea.
but it was worth a shot to raise the bar one last time.

and i will faithfully keep sewing till every order is filled. 

contact me through etsy with your questions.
(click contact cdduekrsen a bit under annie's glasses picture)

If you already have a custom order…you are good.
if you need to change any of it…that is fine too.
i am going to attempt to send invoices for those orders…when i figure out how to do that.

thank you for being so patient with me.
i feel like i have all these cheerleaders behind me cheering 
"SEW SEW SEW! Come on megan you can do it!!"
thank you so much.

now….hit the shop!
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stay-cation

i just wanted to say that…since it's so trendy this year. 

we stayed around kansas and (tried to) entertained the kiddos.

we lodged and ate at my parents house.
one stop was Deanna Rose Farm near Kansas City.
and it is FREE!
if you are local you must go.  
it was a great great place.

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lauren was very unhappy to be at such a baby place.
she found a huge goat to sympathize with her.
and braid his beard.
we were bummed out we didn't have a pony tail holder.
it cracked me up…

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talby's first pony ride!
we tried to get annie to do it but there was no way that was happening.
talby thought it was the best…of course….all 2 and a half minutes that it was.

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scott tried his best to stick with lauren and be mad.
but once he was near me i tickled him and teased him into laughter.
he can't stay mad for long (lauren can though).
and it was really really hot so crabbiness is a given.

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then they found the fishing pond.
eyes were lighting up!
excitement was in their voices!
oh thank goodness.
we bought 2 buckets of worms and grabbed some poles (sticks with a hook).

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they had never seen anyone put a worm on a hook
so all eyes were on dad. 
mine too.
i had never done it either….ewwwww.
but it really wasn't so bad at all.
i even did it myself…i had to take one for the team.
(like when i have to kill spiders myself when craig isn't home to rescue me)

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they got one!
it was about 4 inches long.  
such a proud moment for the girls.
pretty much all the fish did was eat all the worms off the hook.
we threw it back in and annie screamed 
"NO!!! i wanted to eat him for dinner!!!!"

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here's a fun game we can play all year….
it's called
"find-the-teenager-that-won't-go-near-her-family-because-we-are-so-embarrassing"
we could possibly play this game in every post i write.

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oh look what i found…my very own windmill.

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good times were had in the end.
even in the hot hot sun.
and we got to check fishing and kansas city (area) off the list.
and then we changed "get a horse" to "RIDE a horse" on the list and checked it off.
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a quick trip

while lauren was sweating it out at basketball practice

we cooled off at the sprinkler park down the street.

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this is why i’ve started to keep a box of cheap bandaids in my purse.
it puts a very quick end to the tears over “bleeding”.
it’s worth the 97 cents per box.

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and then our neighbors showed up!
we were even in different town.
annie was screaming with excitement.
(it was great to see you amy)

we were here an hour and it was just right.
not too long and not too short.
and we probably won’t get there again all summer.
but it’s checked off the list….
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a few favorites

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my favorite snack.
strawberries, vanilla yogurt and cereal.
i have been eating this almost everyday for weeks…so summery.

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my new favorite spot in the whole wide world.
the new bathtub…in the sunshine…ahhhhhhhhhhh.
the bathroom is 98% done.
i’ll show it all when it’s totally done.
it is better than i had even hoped.

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my favorite dog…Callie.
i know she is a dog and it’s different 
but seriously i could barely nurse one baby for a month…she’s got seven.
and she’s so soft and so sweet.
she’s my favorite.

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as much as i like walking with my girlfriends…
i also like walking alone because i get to listen to this.
sermons.
kind of nerdy right?  
i don’t mind.
i love his sermons…and his irish accent.
check him out.  
i have learned so much since i started listening to him preach.
(thanks lisa for the collin smith hook up)

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my favorite color.
this shade of green.
winter spinach…that’s what the paint chip says.
whatever.
i love it.

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my favorite flower in bloom in my yard right now.
when my zinnias bloom (if the grasshoppers let them) they will be my favorites.
but for now…it’s the yellow coneflower.
i only have this one plant.
i wish there were more.
so pretty.

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and my favorite guy.
what a great weekend we had.
homemade ice cream…the pool…a fun date…painting…hanging out.
he’s my most favorite of all my list of favorites.  
🙂
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