whatever

i feel like i just did this
packing all our stuff up in the truck
but i got to do it again all day today

i have now washed every piece of dirty clothing in our house
i have packed the bags
the towels and swimsuits
food and toys
and 2 new scrapbook magazines of course.

we are headed out for a weekend at the lake with friends from craig’s office.
they have never been around our kids for more than 10 minutes.
i just hope they are prepared for what a weekend with US is like.
i hope they can still work together on Monday.

it should be very fun.
maybe some of the kids will even try to water ski
or whatever kids do behind boats these days.
i think i will be off the boat most of the time.
motion sickness stinks.

when i woke up this morning the pool was green!
it looked like a lake.
so much can change in a day.
so i spent alot of time working on that today
thank you amy d. for helping me
even though you scared me half to death sneaking up on me.
hoping for clear(er) water tomorrow.

4 months after buying the potty seat
having it sit on the kitchen floor
being used as a step stool to reach the dishes….
it served it’s proper purpose today
TWICE.
i am not going to push my luck at all.
when the big kids go to school
we will have time to work on it.
but she understood today.
it clicked.
yeah for annie!!!

it’s late
my banana bread is in the oven and a half sized blueberry buckle
mmmmmmm
and my morning gets to start with donuts.
should be a good day.

and for no reason at all other than
i miss them so much!

love you girlies!
miss you bunches.

i actually didn’t scrap last night.
i made the first 2 pages back in MAY!!
and then yesterday in the day made annie’s page.
technically i put a few more star stickers on last night and painted the edges
but then i got sucked into a tv show…

there is a whole blog called “nobody cares what you had for lunch”
or something like that
but even if you don’t care
look at my yummy lunch!

it looked so pretty on my plate…worthy of a photo
i made 1 piece of chicken on the indoor grill
as soon as it was done the kids were asking for some
if i would’ve asked if they wanted it they all would’ve said no.
i didn’t share.

this afternoon 4 of the 5 were gone
so i had time with just annie
i don’t think that has happened ALL SUMMER
and what do you know?
no screaming
just smiles and laughter

she filled buckets with the hose
played bubbles
got in the buckets she filled
ran in the water i sprayed at her
poured buckets of water on her head and my toes
and drank from the hose
is that gross?
i don’t know?

we stopped by the fresh corn stand in town
doesn’t it just feel healthier and yummier when you buy it from the stand?
it was good.
i overcooked it a little
nothing new.

i thought to myself several times today
“7 more days till school starts”
then a smile came across my face
bad mom.

much better.
much calmer.
more sleep.
refreshed.

i got lauren enrolled in school…finally.
she was given a lower locker.
she went to the office and said “um..since i am like the tallest kid in seventh grade…would it be possible to have an upper locker?”
she decorated it later with a friend.
SEVENTH GRADE!!! yikes.
i remember football games, slumber parties, dressing alike with my friends, “going together”, hanging out at pizza hut and boys boys boys,
i wonder what she will remember.

i managed to get annie to play “sprinklro-ene” for almost an hour today.
(sprinkler under the trampoline)
i fell asleep on a blanket in the grass for maybe 3 minutes.

inside for a much needed wake up snack.
iced coffee and chocolate chip cookies…mmmm.

then an impromptu haircut on the porch.
i just thought she needed one.
she won’t wear ANY thing in her hair for more than five minutes
she won’t let me brush it.
it usually looks like this.

so i chopped a bunch off.
it’s not perfect but it will be super cute after a bath.

then she was rewarded for sitting still (sort of) with m&m’s.

then she shoved the whole handful in her mouth.

we ate a dinner of noodles and grilled cheese
went for a walk around the block with ice cream cones
a quick swim in the pool
and off to bed before 8:00.

now it’s lauren’s bedtime so i am off to the craft room to start scrappin’.
(or watch tv..whichever comes first)

raise your hand if you feel you are a slave to your hormones?
raise your hand if you would (want to) punch anyone who accused you of it?

i do.
i do.
me.
yes.

my saturday night consisted of a listening to a screaming 2 year old for 30 minutes from 2:15 – 2:45 AM.
then when all was quiet…i could not fall asleep again.
i got up and watched HGTV shows that were recorded till 3:30.
went back to bed.
still couldn’t sleep.
is that restless leg syndrome real? i think i have it.
got up and ate 2 bowls of cereal.
read 2 magazines and then 1 Corinthians.
i finally fell back to sleep.

then at church…annie decided for the first time ever to not go in the nursery.
more screaming.
craig was counting offering so i had to stay at church sitting in the hall with a naughty baby.

i was so mad….at everything.
mad that i was tired.
mad at annie.
mad at craig for being so smiley (and cute).
mad at myself for being so mad.

we went home and craig sweetly made me some lunch.
i ate it without saying thank you and walked up to my bed.
2 hours later i woke up to more screaming.
i was so mad that i went outside and cleaned up the yard.
then craig decided to go play golf…why?
was he feeling mad himself?
it couldn’t be my fault? (ha)

morgan did i do that right?
“whatever”

bottom line…i needed a break and i hadn’t taken one…the right way.
a break needs to be gone not just upstairs.
i haven’t been alone for a long time.
i remembered my post about going crazy, needing a break, being proactive, scheduling time for myself.
i looked it up.
it was exactly 2 months ago to the day .
june 5.
it made me smile.
“it was the hormoneees” (big fat greek wedding)
i know it’s hormones but it’s not like that helps how i feel.
i have got to have a break on the calendar.
so that it doesn’t get this bad.
i have to take it because no one is going to do it for me.
they just want to get away from me…but not have me leave..
who would fill the sippy cups and warm up the hot dogs?
i have to get this done.
i said i would and then i didn’t.
because by tomorrow i will feel okay and the urgency won’t be overwhelming me.
so maybe….i will just take the 5th of each month off.

after the kids were in bed we just vegged out.
tommy boy was on HBO.
how can you be mad watching that?
“BEES…they’re huge and they’re sting crazy!”
it cheered me up.

i stayed up late enough to ensure a full nights sleep.
and i am so grateful that annie slept all night too.

and not to be misunderstood…
i am grateful.
i am grateful for a loving husband who tiptoes around me when i get like this…to keep the peace.
grateful for forgiveness after i act this way.
for being understood by so many other mamas.
i am grateful for kids who play well together 97% off the time.
grateful for their loud voices and laughter and energy and healthy bodies
for a soft bed that i can crawl into on a sunday afternoon
for another day and another chance to try to do things the right way.

this is how we started….
good mood
ready with coffee
being silly taking pictures

no make-up and no more manicure.
my hair is wrapped up behind not chopped off

my plan was to take pictures of them picking their school supplies.
i am not always very realistic i guess.
we went past the shoes first so they each began to look.
each in different isles shouting “mom..i can’t find any.”
“mom are these my size?”
“what is my size?”
“Mom!!! i want these!”
it was still fine. they each found a pair – even annie.
i was feelin’ good.
then we hit the school supplies section…which seemed smaller for some reason.
i suddenly thought “WHAT AM I DOING?”
1. annie…into everything, no shoes on, talking non stop with a few SCREAMS in between
2. scott is helpless…can’t seem to look at a list and pick out that item
3. lauren is in her own shopping world…not to be distracted by anyone or anything
4. sean and talby can’t read but want to pick their things
holy cow it was crazy.
we finally got almost everything…i couldn’t find where target keeps kleenex?
then we got to the registers
ok…i am that woman.
the woman with all the kids and the overflowing cart…
the one you stare at or avoid eye contact…
the one you don’t get behind in line…

we had to get a second cart.
annie was screaming about chocolate
the boys were looking at something…in the way AND not helping
talby was trying to help but then the broke bag and it spilled everywhere
lauren was…there but completely spaced out…she’s 12

we are a traveling circus.
i lost my temper with all of them in the parking lot.
not cool.

as i drove i thought “this is supposed to be a fun thing.”
“this could have a been a special time”
i should have taken them in groups…or even one on one.
it should’ve been special and exciting but it was SO NOT THAT!

lesson learned.

craig saved the day by bringing home pizza
and then even taking us on a walk and out for ice cream.
we sat on the steps of the library museum and watched the cars go by.

i went to bed at 9:15 last night…accidently.
i laid down to rest a minute and that was that.
so you’d think that with 10 hours of sleep instead of my normal 6 to 7 that i would be wide awake.
nope.
today was just a cranky kind of day.
little miss annie won’t cut me a break.
i can’t figure out the temper tantrums.
why?
low blood sugar?(because she never eats)
teeth? (it can’t always be teeth!)
being the 5th? (needing attention)
is she in pain? (like a baby migraine?)
is there something wrong with her? (mentally)
bad parenting…it couldn’t be that.
i have many questions for the doctor in a week.
i’d better start writing them down.

this is what we did today
in between tantrums….seriously

“tomorrow..tomorrow…i love ya…tomorrow”

a little art on the driveway.
it hard to have a tantrum while painting.
talby made a cardinal in a nest and added glitter later.
annie got all the paint mixed.
i love to watch paint mix together.
it first got on her toe…then hand…then i just painted her feet and let her go crazy.

then tonight…
big news…
look at talby go!!!
TWO WHEELER!

she’s almost got it down.
she was scared but she is doing great!
i’m so proud of her.
even when she’d fall she’d squeal and then giggle a bunch.

daddy is always whoopin’ up on scott.
but scott loves the challenge.
he finally loves basketball…thank goodness.

this is one reason i love to garden.

these were beaten down by the rain and didn’t look like they would make it back up.
i cut them and this huge bouquet is making our kitchen bright and cheery.
i grew all of these..me and God.

as i was putting it together i was remembering all the arrangements my mother and grandmother always had on their tables.
there has always been gardening in my life.
my parents have a beautiful yard focused towards butterflies and birds.
my grandmother had many kinds of different plants…nothing run of the mill.
she has bamboo!

we had a big storm (again) sunday night and then again monday morning.
sooo good for the grass and flowers!
and then perfect to splash in afterwards.

when talby got her rain boots on she asked me to take the little spider web out of the one she didn’t already have on.
i shook the boot and a HUGE spider came tumbling out.
much bigger than a quarter.
four of the kids were right there and we all screamed like crazy!
we sprayed it with clorox clean up till it died.
i was afraid if we tried to smash it we’d miss.
then they stomped on it.
what is up with kansas and these gianormous spiders?
my worst fear.
thank goodness she didn’t put that boot on first.
when we first saw it i yelled “take your other boot off! take it off! take it off!” and i kicked mine off too.
we were all quite shaken.

then it was time for the fun.
i know i have shown puddle jumping pictures before but these are just as cute.

i love this one.
annie is still and everything around her is moving.
just deciding what to think of the water in her boots and being splashed AND rained on.

we ended up in a neighbor’s backyard to see her fish.
her pond is so beautiful.
especially after the rain.
her fish are so big…she’s had them a long time.
i wish it was my pond.

and then we needed a snack so we headed home.

i was supposed to have yearly woman exam ( 3 years later) today.
i couldn’t remember the time.
i called to ask and they couldn’t find it.
my appointment had been lost.
oh darn.
i was really looking forward to a pap test today.
HA!

i got my kids enrolled in school (3 of the 4 at least).
it’s coming up quick.
16 days….
my favorite commercial of all time is a mom pushing a shopping cart with a big smile and dancing a bit.
the first words are “THEY”RE GOING BACK!” and then the song starts in “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.” it’s for school supplies.
it’s true.
i enjoy school ending but i love school starting.
i wish it wasn’t till september though.
that drive at 8:00 AM everyday is going to be rough…for me.