whatever

carissa... brown eyed fox - meg!
a trip of a life time.
the soul good… deep down… never the same… kind.
i am in awe of the whole visit.
all the photographs you captured.
all the lives you touched.
and they will forever be changed.
SO happy yall are back.
safe.
with your families.
still praying of you.
♥ you!

Karina - Very moving. I would not have seen any of that if it weren’t for you and your blog. Please don’t think that being back home means you can’t affect change in others. Your photos and descriptions and emotions are a wonderful way to communicate the experience in ways that will touch a privileged person sitting in her pajamas at her computer in her comfortable western home. Thank you for sharing this.

Kait - I spent every summer during high school doing mission trips, mainly in Haiti but I did spend one summer in Brazil. It’s tough to come back. It’s tough to come back even when you know what to expect. It’s tough to adjust to the little things like how fast the cars on the highway are and all the options in the grocery store, much less the big things like reconciling a spoiled American life with your new global awareness about poverty. (incidentally, it’s really hard to fit in with teenagers when your “what I did this summer” is about orphans and HIV and theirs is about the beach and parties)
So what do you do? You do what you can. You donate as much money as you can, you speak honestly to your children about it so they realize that poverty and ugliness and joy CAN coexist, you go back if you can and send your children if you can and you raise money and you do everything you possibly can. Or you do nothing. You wait and mourn and sob yourself to sleep and wonder if there is any way to go back to life before all this and slowly, days become months and months become years and life sweeps in and you let go. You’ll never forget, it would be impossible. But the edges are dulled and you move on with your life.
My biggest regret, with everything that I saw and everything that I did, was that instead of making me more fearless and more compassionate it made me scared and bitter. I was more focused on trying to assimilate back in to an average teen and somehow lost sight of the person I had become in the face of the realities I had seen.
I’m praying for you.

Suzanne - I remember my daughter when she got home from her first mission trip to Haiti getting out of the car from the airport and the tears were streaming down her face, she kept saying Mom I didn’t want to leave them! We hugged for a long long time, my heart broke for her. She was forever changed after that trip.
God bless you Meg, you have a beautiful heart. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Learn from this.

Janine - You fit in right where you always did. At home. You have 5 children and a husband that depend on you. Yes it is a wonderful thing to be able to go on a mission trip and help those less fortunate and now knowing that the need is there you feel like how can you not continue to help them. But what you need to realize though, is that you didn’t need to travel half a world away to do this work. I can almost guarantee you that there is need right in your own backyard in Kansas. Focus on that – helping those who need help right in your area. They may not appear as dirt poor as those in Africa but we have starving children right here in the US. They may even be attending school right along side your children. We have families that are a blink of an eye away from being homeless. We have orphans, sick, poor. Help them. They need the help too, and by doing that you are still doing God’s work. As much as you would like to, you can’t save the whole world, but you can help in your own little patch of earth. If everyone did that the world would be a much better place. Use this energy and knowledge you have from your trip to better your own community. I wish you well. You have a big heart and will figure it all out.

Meredith - You fit squarely into both worlds, Meg. Your joy and generosity is reflected in both. You can’t physically be in two places at once, but your heart, your prayers and your focus can. You’re a woman don’t forget….we’re famous for multi-tasking. Meredy xo.
p.s. I posted Leeland’s clip of this song a few days ago and we’re planning on showing it at our women’s mission event in a couple of months. The words are a call to action aren’t they? You, Meg, are a woman of action:)

sarah - Well of course, I started crying almost immediately… wish I could shut off the water works sometimes…
I can’t imagine coming home from a trip like that. I don’t think I’d know what to do with myself or my feelings either. I didn’t even go, and just from your pictures and words… I don’t know what to do with myself either. Just know that there’s more to give. More ways to love. More to share.
Use those journals, use your blog.. put your feelings and thoughts out there… no matter how jumbled or what they are.
Were the pictures of the children from an orphanage?
Those pictures of the children tugged at my heart…

Laura Phelps - God knows where you should be
listen to Him
you will work it all out
until then
I believe you are meant to continue sharing your experience with as many people as you possibly can
God is working you in miraculous ways and I am so blessed to be touched by you and your experience

Melissa - wow- I’m crying just watching this. What a beautiful expression of the love of Christ. I imagine it was a life altering experience. My heart is heavy for Africa too… I love what jeanne said above. Let it change your days…
Praying for you now, Meg.

pambuller - ugh! i’ve watched it over and over…so productive. 🙂
we should go back.
tomorrow.
missing africa AND you…

Jacqui - I still to this day think about the wonderful and amazing people that I met in Africa, their hardships, their souls, their trusting nature and amazing smiles. They taught me that its the little things that make you happy. There isn’t much (unfortunately) you can do about the way you feel only to let time pass and it will get easier to live each day. Take care 🙂

Kendall Smith - I understand, too. We went to Africa 5 1/2 years ago, and there still isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about that trip. It has changed us. I’m sure it’s changed you! We live differently, spend our money differently, and look at life differently because we went. It is hard to reconcile that view of life with what we see everyday.
Don’t you just want to go back????

Sally Mangham - Gosh, everyone is giving you such great advice. I love to read the wisdom being shared with you. I have not been on a trip like this in my life; however, I was in the social work field for six years in the private sector and I have seen severe poverty before where the norm was roaches crawling all over everything and rats just hanging around. It was hard to come home at night to my clean nice things and wonder what in the world am I doing in this wasteful world. I have a weak stomach and I didn’t want to become ill in front of the children because I didn’t want them to feel embarrassed. All of that being said when opportunities in our life present itself we can choose different paths. Please be patient with yourself and allow yourself to just feel…I know it feels hard and lonely, but you can do it! Just sit with it and ask God for clarity as what you should do with this new found experience. It is overwhelming and please know that it’s alright and normal, but in order to get clarity (see the light if you will) you have to go through the darkness. I always think of it as a season of spring time in my life like a tulip bulb that has been in the dark part of the earth all alone just waiting patiently for the right time to shine is beauty upon us. Hang in there and treat yourself lovingly.
One of the things that would be nice for you to consider creating and share is a nurture basket. I did this years ago…so about 8 of us put our favorite things in this basket to share with everyone. So, if one of my girlfriend’s lost a family member or they were going through growing pains and needed some TLC we would pass them the basket. The only rule was you had to replenish it with something that you had. For example, if you used bubbles but you only hand chocolate then replace it with that. This was really nurturing and fun too! I would be great for you to share this with a core set of friends or the women you went to Africa with. Just a thought. Hugs, Sally

Trasie - Wow…..I can’t make the tears stop! I can’t even imagine how one must process all that you saw over there but God Bless you for all that you did while you were there and that you continue to do back at home. I know my eyes have been opened because of you!
Many Many blessings!

purejoy - i know what you mean. i have been to china three times and each time, coming home is so hard. like okay, God, i saw what you wanted me to see and experienced what you wanted me to experience, but now what do i do with that?
journaling is a good thing. and what you are doing here is good too. getting us out of our own little worlds to know there is more besides our easy (relatively) easy lives here in the US.
i wish i had an answer for you, because i’m still searching for that myself.
but i think God would be very happy to have you praying for this area! and the people.

merlin - “the end” ???
I don’t think so!
Your trip entries have been thought provoking and I thank you for sharing your journey with us.

Vera - Thank you for sharing your trip. And really for inspiring me constantly. But not for making me give up sugar, I’m still too grouchy about that to be thankful – I’ll get there.

Liz - I am a HUGE fan of your blog and seriously delight in reading all your wonderful stories. The Africa trip posts have inspired me in ways you can’t even imagine. Thank you for posting all of them!
I do have one quick question, I know that you are so very busy, but do you ever scrapbook anymore? I’m a fellow scrapbooker and was just wondering.

Heather - i have my ‘whatever shop’ photo all framed up in my living room and every time i see it reminds me of how 8 white ladies followed their hearts to africa to make a difference.
awesome and inspiring! plus the print is really pretty. 🙂 thanks for sharing with us!!

Kate - thank YOU for going and sharing and photoing and being real! You are amazing!

Sarah - Thank you for posting about your trip! It really is inspiring to me

meg duerksen - PRAYER COUNTS!!! thank you for praying!

Diana - i could only afford to pray a lot and really really hard… i think God heard 🙂
thanks to YOU for sharing your trip with us, making us feel like we were there with you…. this has meant soooooooo much!
God is good, and He is in the world!
♥

princess lasertron - funny!
pregnant? rude! I think its funny how I am like 9 months pregnant and VERY FEW people ask me if I am. like they are afraid to be wrong.

melissa - HIL. AR. I. OUS.
I am laughing so hard right now!!!!!
and then i read your comments and the chick that had the flower lady rub her belly………oh my. too much!!!
thanks for the laugh today! i needed it!!!
melissa

chasity - thanks for making me laugh this morning.
those were great little tidbits.

Donna - I had a lady say, “You didn’t tell me you were pregnant!” Yeah, cuz I’m not. Grrrrrrrrr.
Thanks so much for sharing the pictures and stories!

Jen - I love reading your blog and am encourage by your honesty and journey as a woman of God. Thanks for sharing from your depths of all emotions from Africa. This post made me crack up. I thought of a commercial I saw and thought you would enjoy it. Blessings to you and thanks for sharing the real you.
Jen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLqf4-jv0ng&feature=related

Rachel / cREaTe - cracking UP at you & pam cracking UP over the pilot needing your window! 😀 that is so freakin’ funny! i fly all the time & have heard that about the shades … but never knew why {& my husband’s a pilot!}. so thanks to heather for the explanation {in her comment}! but envisioning the pilot stooping to peer out row #19 is priceless.
great stories!!! 😀

Jennifer - wow!! I am so moved by your Africa! What you felt,what you saw what you experienced..The photos are amazing…

Diana - i cannot write on here what i woulda said to the lady who made the preg comment. :p i have seen pics of you in here and you don’t even resemble that remark!
ugh, not having enough leg room! that would drive me nuts… i gotta have lotsa flip-over room when i sleep. LOL!
happy belated birthday, Pam!
♥

Lisa - Imagining you guys laughing so hard about the window shades being up reminded me about a trip I took. Flying home from a mission trip to Guatemala a friend and I started talking about “what if planes drove on roads instead of flying” Then we thought about plane road racing. We were laughing hysterically. Of course no one else thought we were funny! I think its the fatigue and delirium kicking in! Thanks for sharing about your trip! Its been a long time since I did a mission trip. Haven’t wanted to leave my kids. God may be starting to tug on my heart that its time to get back in the game! 🙂

Heather - I love that you’re sharing all this with us. I get so excited when I see you have a new post. I love your honesty.

LOL - TO FUNNY!!!!

Megan - OMG I’m still laughing. Its amazing what people say when they don’t even know you. I can’t sleep on a plane either. I think I have RLS too plus I’m too busy watching other people and making sure the plane is gonna land. Good stories, loved them!

Courtney - You are too stinkin’ funny. The pregnancy comment – OH, just ignore it! Sounds like you had a great time – great post!! We can all just picture it. I love your new friends at the Duty Free!

Rachel @ Pencil Shavings - O
M
G
I am DYING over here, reading about that pregnancy comment! That is TOO MUCH! One time my husband had flowers delivered to me on Valentine’s Day several years before our son was born. I was wearing an empire-waist dress, kinda before they were available everywhere. Anyway, I guess the flower delivery lady thought I was pregnant and actually reached in to the doorway and rubbed my belly.
Sorry lady. No bun in this oven!

heather - I’ve loved your posts about Africa! Enjoyed them all! We are adopting from Ethiopia, so we will be going in the near future (a year or so).
I’m a flight attendant, so please let me explain the window shades. I am compelled to take up for my peeps! ha! If there was a need for an emergency evacuation… flight attendants are to assess out of the windows to make sure there is no fire or obstruction outside (in which case they would not open that exit). If the window shades are closed, you can’t see and it is just one more step to to have to open that window shade when time is of the utmost importance. Thank you for allowing me to explain. 🙂

jeanne - Get OUT about the pregnancy comment!!! She wasn’t talking about you…was she???? I would have been hanging out in the air conditioning too.