God and i were talking this morning and it basically went like this:
ME:
i feel like crap.
i want to sleep for days.
why do i have to be awake?
why do i have to work?
why do i have clean up?
i don’t want to.
why do i have to exercise?
it’s cold. ugh it’s raining! on halloween!
oh this is the worst.
i want to eat cookies. it is so unfair that i can’t eat cookies all day long.
GOD:
how about you work on your bible study lesson. you seem like you are grumpy.
ME:
well of course i am grumpy!
everyone is so lame and hurts my feelings and makes me mad.
and i am tired.
and hormonal.
and there is so much to do because life is full AND it’s halloween!!!!
we never carved the pumpkins that i bought. what a waste of money!
how will i possibly not eat all that candy tonight!???
and i didn’t buy the boots that annie wanted for her costume.
and i have to miss scott’s football game.
and talby needs her headband made.
GOD:
start your lesson.
ME:
i am cold.
i need another cup of coffee.
and a blanket.
and my sweater and slippers.
15 minutes later….
GOD:
why don’t you start on that lesson now?
ME:
oh alright!!!!
and of course it was awesome and perfect and a great attitude adjustor.
then as i finished the questions the light changes in the room & the cloudy gross weather is suddenly BRIGHT!
it got SO shiny and bright where i was sitting and i immediately felt the need to capture it.
that feeling i try not to ignore.
the push to create something… or appreciate something in front of me.
and so often now just try to get a quick capture on my phone camera.
that is lazy! it is easy and helpful but also lazy.
but my phone was on 7% battery this morning (oops i forgot to plug it in last night)
so i got out the big mama camera, threw on talby’s shoes by the door & went out to catch the light.
AMAZING!
i felt great… there is something so rad that happens when i use that creativity inside me!
when i plug into that part of me.
the crappy stuff just falls away.
the feelings, the tiredness, the self pity, the schedule, the stress…
for a few moments it is not there.
and then if it does come back around… it’s more bearable after spending some time creating.
spending time focusing on Jesus helps me to SEE what matters around me.
i came back in the house, 10 minutes and 200 pictures later and sat down in the same spot.
within a minute the clouds came back in and that sun was gone.
dark and cloudy again outside.
what a gift that 10 minutes was to my heart today.
my cloudy gray heart was FULL of that shiny light i had just soaked in.
my problems aren’t fixed but i don’t have to be heavy about it.
i have Jesus.
it’s all good… everything is in His control.
nothing on my complaint list was a surprise to Him.
(even though i really have nothing to complain about… nor should i be complaining in the first place)
He knows all of it.
i just need to put it all before Him and leave it there.
i am confident that He will change my heart. heal my wounds. lift my spirit. guide my thoughts.
“And how bold and free we then become in his presence, freely asking according to his will, sure that he’s listening. And if we’re confident that he’s listening, we know that what we’ve asked for is as good as ours.”
1 John 5:14-15
what are you hearing today?
do you do that with God too… argue and complain to him?
i hope i am not the only one.
and now… time to exercise and make a headband!