whatever

jo - Meg, Timely post with a lot of young people heading off to college at the time of year. Sometimes we think we’ve given them all the tools and foundation and yet they will still will make wrong choices. We have to make sure we stay connected to them and let them know how much we love them. Thanks for the reminder that we can’t take it all on our shoulders….

Liz - Hi! What’s funny about this post is that I often see your family as the one that is “doing it all right”; that is “perfect”!! I have 5 and 6 year-old boys, and I hope and pray every day that I am raising them to be able to successfully navigate the challenges they will face. I know it won’t be perfect, but one can hope 🙂

Danielle Flaming - TRUTH! Wow! Loved your words! May we all keep our eyes on Him!

shelly - Yes. Yes. Yes!!! This momma to 3 teenage boys feels the same way but couldn’t have expressed it as so eloquently as you did. Thank you!!!

Kellie - So much this! We are preparing to send our only child off to college next week and I am worried about ALL of the things. I pray she makes good choices, I pray she hears all of my warnings about safety, I pray that she wakes up for class on time! Parenting big kids is so hard. Change is so hard.

Cheri - Great thoughts, Meg! You know what they say…little kids, little problems…big kids, big problems. I’m in what they call the sandwich generation:). We have 4 adult kids, 6 grandchildren, and ailing parents. We are always taking care of someone:). Life was sailing along beautifully…all 4 kids were making great decisions. College, good jobs, great husband choices, adorable grand babies. Then our son got addicted to pornography, and our youngest daughter decided to close up her bible and walk away from Jesus! I felt like I’d fallen off a cliff. Really hard stuff. We have learned so much these past 10 years…yes, it’s been a long journey! I remember my son’s counselor telling us that it was going to take a long time to get him where he needs to be…I remember telling my husband that this whole nightmare may take up to a year to fix!!! Im glad now I didn’t realize that it would take more like 10 years!!!Thanks to Jesus and Pure Life ministries, our son is leading an overcoming life, but we still have a prodigal on our hands! Keeps us on our knees:). My husband and I have made it through some very tough years only because of Jesus. One day when I was stewing and worrying and trying to manipulate a situation, God whispered to me, “you’re not trusting me”! It’s quite freeing when you realize that God’s got this and He loves your kids more than you do! I’ve read your blog for some time now…your going to make it!

Christine - Dear Meg, as a fellow saved by grace mama of six kids ranging from ages 21-5. I completely feel you in your heartfelt post. Our oldest was a hard young child and a pretty easy teen who is married and serving God today. Our 2nd is a whole other story. This boy put us through it for 3 long years. He is living for God now, a real blessing and makes us beyond proud. A couple of take-aways from our experience with that whole experience was: 1. God’s grace on us as we felt so alone and like such failures. On our son to bring him back and forgive him. 2. To see other parents differently. No one is perfect and even the best of us can have wayward children. Like you said even if we do our best, they still have free will. 3. My commitment to my savior. Nothing makes you look at your own heart and walk with God than adversity. Do I believe what I say? Why do I believe that? Is it worth the fight? The time on my knees?
I see now that all of those nights of being woken from sleep to lay a hold of God for our son were very well worth it. The stands I made no matter how it may have affected my relationship with our son (at that time), worth it. The…you get the picture.
Hang in there, my fellow mama. You and your hubby are doing the right thing. Stay on your knees for your babies no matter how old they are. God hears your prayers. He wants them saved more than you. He has a way of getting the attention of our kids. Don’t give up or compromise. They are watching, seeing if it (your relationship with God) is worth it…something they can give their lives for.
I will be praying for you and your babies. Can’t wait to one day read your testimonies of answered prayers.
Golly, this ended up being a long comment…sorry.

Tina - Oh my. What a perfect post. We are having some hard times with our teens right now and it only seems HARD and I have to constantly remind myself to not compare ourselves to other families who seem to be doing everything right and enjoying their teens and relishing the “joy” of their big kids while we’re over here STRUGGLING. Several months ago, I commented on another post you had written about mom things and how lonely it was parenting a teenager with difficulties. You sent me a private email that I saved and have referred to it many times. Thanks for your wise words yet again. Sure I’ll save this post too;-)

Ruth - After a rough parenting Monday, (Children ages: 17, 15, 12 and 1) this was exactly what I needed to remember. Thank you Meg. May God bless us all in this journey…

Lauren - Long-time reader…thanks for being honest and sharing your thoughts and your heart here.

Kathy Leach - A post for every parent….no matter how old our “kids” are. It never ends and the worry is constant. Thank you for this!

Andrea - Timely words! Raising teenagers is so hard and I needed to be reminded to keep turning them over to God. Thank you!

Elisa - I skated through the teenage years pretty easily with my first one but my 2nd one is giving me a run for my money. I worry, I cry, I drink wine….
and wonder how I will make it through 3 and 4.

No words of wisdom, just wanted to let you know I am right there with ya.

Hugs mama!

Sabrina - My kids are so little right now and there are days we wish they would be potty trained, not throw tantrums, eat all their food, play nice… But then my husband and I tell each other, With Big Kids come Big Problems! So we are trying to not wish these days away either. I know the problems and worries teens today face and I know they will be there in 10 years and maybe worse. I just keep praying the Lord will guide me as a mom and watch over my children as they grow. Thanks for your words!

Hannah Warren - oh my! i so needed this right now! i worry about my teen all day every day and probably lecture her way more than i should because i am so scared of her making wrong choices! AHH! teens are so fun but sometimes i miss the days of no naps and sippy cups. i thought i was stressed then! HA! thank you for keeping it real!!

Lori H - Meg, I have followed your blog forever…you were one of the first blogs I followed! And it never fails that you have interesting, relevant and also fun things to impart. But today..TODAY you have posted exactly what this mama needed to hear. And also to hear that you are going through some of the same things I am. Thank you!! I plan to read this post again soon (and again) and to print out that scripture from The Message to remind me.

Kelly Krause - Right there with you! Every day I feel like a failure. Like I am not doing this job well enough. Like other Moms and families are doing so much better. That a Christian family should only look one way. That maybe it’s too late to influence my big ones…but I know better. I get compliments about my kids’ character all of the time. They are making godly decisions. I often fail to see the positives. But oh, #givemeallthepreschoolers!

Marian Vischer - Meg, I’m a little late to the party for this post but girl, this is gold. Two out of my three kids are now teenagers. My world feels unpredictable and roller-coastery in a way it never has. This post puts me at ease, reminding me that messy is normal and days are volatile and love needs to be in great supply. Your words are keepers.

tracy fisher - I sooooo get your mothering words. Never knew how much i’d miss my daughter moving to college in CA or how my baby boy is turning into a little man in his first year of HS. I had no idea boys had emotions too..haha. but it’s fun to look back and see how far they’ve come and how my husband and I actually had a little bit to do with that. I wish we lived closer to you. i’m sure you hear that from everyone. but I know the 4 of us could have some good parenting laughs. keep up the good work!!

Lisa - You hit the nail on the head with this one! I have two teenagers (and 3 more in the 10 and under age group). It really is such a blast having them but man it is hard too because they can make choices that are scary or dangerous or sad! My 15 year old is a “rock the boat” type of kid and man do I worry for her. But then God gives me little glimpses of the ways He’s working in her. You explained the teen years so perfectly! One moment I’m so incredibly proud of her kindness and 5 minutes later I’m telling her to take a picture off instagram that is inappropriate. I do wish there was a manual on how to handle social media/phones with teens. We are the first generation having to parent those things. It’s hard! Thanks for sharing and making my household seem so normal!

Mickie - Oh, and I almost forgot this about feelings. I have said many times that I think it’s a pretty cruel joke that I am going through Perimenopause (nice…!) at the same time that my son is going through puberty. No joke! We feel ALL the feelings around her and it is CRAZYtown some days!

Lisa - I also pray that if my kids screw up- that they would get caught. Especially during those early teen years. Because I don’t want them to think they can get away with something once their old enough for legal consequences. When they’re adults it’s fun for them to tell you what they got passed you.

Linda Johnston - Thank you. I needed to hear this. We have 3 teenagers in our home with another younger child coming up quickly. I feel like we’ve become some kind of circus act with all the different emotions and personality. I have to admit its been wearing on me. Some are not making the best choice and my heart aches for them. Others seem to be moving forward with ease and yet I know underneath the struggles they are having. This is such a tough world and even more so than the world I was a teenager in. Thank you for your words and your perpective. Maybe someday I will be able to say I love these teenage years too.

Tina - Ahhh….if there were only a formula!!!! Stumbling through the teenage years. Our first 2 are teens, with 3 more to follow (they are close in age, so at one point in time, I will have 5 teenagers at once!!). I laugh now that I thought all those sleepless newborn nights were so hard. Little did I know. It does have it joyful moments though. Thanks for the words of wisdom.

Amy Woods - I enjoyed your post! Being a mom to only one, it is neat to hear your big family perspective. I was the youngest of 6 children, and I think my parents were saints to handle all our different personalities! I love parenting my teenager. He is so fun, and super smart. I am seriously in awe of the way he thinks. I worried about parenting a teen from the time I new I was pregnant! Ha! But, wow, the Lord prepares us for each season doesn’t He? Now that my son is 18 and will graduate high school this year, I wish we could just go back and do it all one more time…oh the things I would savor!

Kristin - Love them for who they are, not who you want them to be…yes! That one is so important, and is something one set of grandparents has not figured out. I mean, they LOVE the kids, but they keep on trying to get them to be what THEY want them to be. Ugh.

Jessica Shrock - I love this post! Thanks for your honesty and sharing your heart.

Lu - Thank you. I really appreciate you writing about this.

Kate @ Songs Kate Sang - This is so, so beautifully written. I could just hug you. I’m gonna go bake something – but only so I forget about the doors that slammed today.

Jenn A - Its so very true. I loved having my babies around but teenagers are so wonderful in their own right. The are funny and smart and kind and sometime mean and hateful. But its such a great experience to watch them grow into the adults they hopefully become.

Sabrina - Thank you for sharing this… I have three boys, 4,3,18m and they are a handful! They are wild and crazy and talk back and yell and fight constantly. It’s so exhausting being with them all day everyday. I really try to not wish these days away, because I know someday they will be older. But I worry that they will turn into crazy teenagers. So I pray a lot for them! I hope the Lord hears my prayers and helps turn them into sweet, kind, calm, and Godly young adults. 🙂
P.S. Everyone keeps telling me that teenage boys are way different than toddler boys. I hope they are telling the truth. 🙂

Jenn - That’s some good stuff right there. Thank you for sharing.

Angie - This is exactly what I needed to read at this very moment. Thank you.

amber reece - So glad you posted this! I’ve got a 17yr old I just “kicked out” yesterday. Tough Love, and it’s tough on everyone, especially me, worrying and waking and looking down the street to see if he’s there… I am praying for the prodigal. He has to learn a lesson though, I have tried to tell/help him and so has all the family and friends. All I can do now is pray, and I do, everytime I think of him which is every moment of every day. Teenagers are by far the most terrifying age! Such heavy choices with such heavy consequences that follow them…

Angela - God bless you for your honesty. I have 5 children ranging from 9 to 5 months. It may not always be easy but God will provide in ways you’ve never imagined. It’s nice to see a mom who is keeping it real but also covering her family in prayer!

Jenny Lynn - i love this. even though i’m just in the baby phase. i have twin boys and i do understand the “how can this be harder?” feeling. but i love your honesty. i’m starting to pray now that i will turn my babies over to jesus and trust that He will care for them better than i can – even though i’m already realizing i want to be protective and keep them from harm forever.

Shelby - Meg, I feel your pain…reading your post brought tears to my eyes because I have a 16 year daughter. I am thankful that she hasnt tried anything crazy yet but I have been nothing but honest with her from the start. When she was a toddler and would ask questions I would answer them with honesty. Secretyly, maybe I was trying to scare her, not too sure on that. There are days my heart feels like it will explode with love for her and the days that I am consumed with worry that she will leave for college and never look back. I never had a dad in my life so when my husband and I learned we were expecting I envisioned all the fairytales of a happy family. Fairytales are just that…fairytales! Raising a teenager is one of the hardest jobs ever, but also one of the most fulfilling job I ever had. I talk to God daily asking for guidance and help in getting me through this period. I look at McKenna and am excited for her future and also sad that she no longer needs me to pick out her clothes or teach her to ride a bike. Trust your instincts and know that God definitely has your back and so what that you might stumble along the way? Don’t we all? Keep up the good work and everything will turn out the way God intends.

Tiffany B. - Hi Meg, I scrolled right through the comments, and most of them probably said the same thing I am about to – LOVE your honesty, you hit HOME with me and everything I think, say and do each day raising my kids! Mine are 14 (son) 16 (daughter) and 17 (daughter). I stayed home for 10 years to raise them and you hit it right on when you say it is more of a physical challenge raising babies. Although I was worn out each night with busy days and sleepless nights, but this time of life is much more challenging and I, too, worry too much and remember to LAY IT AT HIS FEET and believe He has our backs on this. Lord do I worry about each and everything you posted, it is hard. My husband and I are scared while we are trying out best to raise them “right”! Love you and thank you for your post, it was awesome! Tiffany from Michigan

Tracy Fisher - i loved this post. i hear you. it is hard. there are no rules. facebook posts from our community make me feel like everyone’s kids are so perfect… and lives here are so perfect. we all know it’s not true. that’s where faith comes in. and the power of ‘real moms’ words…. so, thank you! i’ve always told my kids (especially the one who will legally be driving next month) to keep a gratitude journal. just write down one thing each time you open it. its so good to read later and be reminded of what good God did for us. -tracy

lauren - you are in my head. thank you. what beautiful words of encouragement. just what i needed. almost 23, 20 as of yesterday and 16 and it’s a beautiful, terrifying roller coaster. that realization that you mentioned—that God loves them even more than YOU do moves me to tears often. how blessed we are with such a big God.

Ruth Baumgartner - Meg,
In a word thanks.
I needed to hear exactly what you said.
It’s been rough on the mother the last 3 weeks
around here…
Tears on a Monday morning… but the “good kind.’
Love
Ruth

susie - I was just talking about this with some friends who are moms of babies and toddlers. I never understood it either with 5 kids ages 10 and under, but now that the “baby” is 15 and my oldest is 26, I sure do! I love them with all my heart and miss those early years so much, but looking forward to what God will do in their lives. And, yes, being a parent of older teens is the hardest thing I’ve ever done!

Angela - Your post is just what I needed to read right now. We are just entering this new stage with our oldest with three more to go. I appreciate your words and your honest. Thank you!!!!

Carla - Oh wow, you’re very honest! I’m still in the baby stage (despite being the same age as you!) but one quote that always comes to mind when I start worrying is “worrying is using your imagination to picture an outcome you don’t want” which for some reason really resonated with me and really captured the waste that worrying is. I’m sure you’ve often thought of how your mom and dad must have worried for you and look how you turned out 🙂 Stay strong mama x

Beth - Love this quote! Thanks, Jodie!

Linda - It was a week of being weary of the world. So true what you worte about parenting teens. There is even more silence about prodigals and those who cut themselves off from thier families in adulthood. I just heard about this unspoken heartache in our Sunday School last week. I cannot imagine and pray that never happens in our family. We are on our 2nd set of teens. The others are adults launched. Getting along with our children who are becoming adults in our space and homes is not easy.

Toni :0) - Loved this post as I have a teenager and tween myself so I can totally relate. It is hard when they are young but it is a different kind of hard when they get to be this age. I just try to keep the faith that they make good choices and choose their friends wisely and stay focused on their grades. God bless!

Kelly - So sweet and I totally get it. Our first five children line up closely with yours,from 9-18. Then 6 years after our Annie was born we had another. Then 3 yrs later, another….He is now 8 mos. So with 2 little ones I am back to a MOPS type group. I listen to those exhausted moms of preschoolers and try not to laugh. I would go back to a house full of just little ones again anytime. Big kids are hard. But I am trying to enjoy every stage that our kids are in and thank God for the even the trials. But believe me I cherish every sleepless night with these last two….holding them a little tighter than I did when I was a twenty year old mom. For now I know the years really do pass quickly. Blessings!

Leslie - Oh Meg! We are in that hard stage too! It’s new and awkward and we have never been here before! It is the hardest part of parenting we have ever experienced yet! It so totally happens before you know it!!! I worry about them every time they walk out the door especially if they are driving or riding with friends! I pray for their safety all the time! Letting them go is the hardest thing ever! I always thought it was so hard when they were little but boy was I wrong! Ha! That was the easy part! But at the same time it is so rewarding when you hear them say something that they believe in and are passionate about and when they do great things and make good decisions! My boys are 17,16 and 11.

Bernice - Thank you for your honesty. My boys are still little but I dread the day they become teenagers. It’s a challenging time, I’m sure. I was a horrible teenager once. But God makes all things beautiful, in His time. Hope you got some.

Kari - Yes, yes, yes, AMEN! I have three teenagers and one tween (12, 14, 16, 19). You are exactly right – parenting is harder with teenagers but in a different way. I stress and worry all the time and pray that they will make good choices. It’s always nice to connect with bloggers who are also parenting teens.

jen - I have 5 kids ages 28 through 3 years. I once heard someone say “big kids, big problems”, which I find exactly right.
We went through some rough years with a couple of the older kids, experiencing worry and upset that I never thought imaginable. I appreciate the ease of the little ones so much more! The things that gave me solace was that I knew that like all things, they will change and evolve, and praying. I prayed that God willing they would surface from the other end, both learning something…and alive. Sounds ultradramatic, but they went through some really really HARD things. I understand your post, and will keep your family in my prayers. Thanks for writing it!

Lynn - Nodding with my hand over my heart and tearing up – so thankful you posted this – middle of the night and all – it is perfect. I’ve found myself praying so much more this week (big sigh)… and in general, so much more as our oldest has entered the teenage years – your prayers are the perfect devotional. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Wish you were my neighbor this morning – I’d bring you some coffee.

sarah k - i don’t know about boys, but i would say with young teenage girls it is vital that they are brought up to know that they can be independent of a man and look after themselves, because times are different to 20 years ago.
I know that you have always been married and never really been independent of a man as such, so maybe its a difficult thing to pass on to them, but i think its really important. All young girls and women need to learn that they can support themselves financially and need to be taught how to go about it. They shouldn’t grow up expecting that they will just marry and a man will take care of them because it doesn’t happen for everyone.

Tanya H - it HAS been a really hard week!! My oldest is a preteen and I quit watching the news a week ago when the girl in CA committed suicide. Its so stressful and I hate that my children have to leave my safe home and go out into a world like this…it HAS been a really hard week. Thanks for choosing to post what you’d written. We all need reminders that we’re all in the middle of this.

Kathy - oh I so relate to this and I am just getting started with 2 girls that are 11 and 10 … yep, it’s hard, so much harder than those baby years though I had no idea way back then that it would be. prayer is my saving grace… hang in there, you are an awesome mama and woman of God! and I simply love your blog and everything about it!
Kathy k

Michele - Lisa,
I can relate to your post entirely–except I have a teenage boy!

elma - Amen!!! We have three teenagers right now and life is super super hard:(

Andrea - amen….I’m not there yet, but close…thanks for posting!

Heather R. - Teens…word!

Kristin S - Meg, this is beautiful. i say it every time you write a similar post and I get the same words when I do; preach it! Your honesty is so needed.
I don’t have kids. I long to have kids. My peers have kids in high school and are sending them to college. I’ve watched the transition with many of them from physical to emotional exhaustion. I pray for them. I listen to their kids (and tell those kids I will tell their parents if they say something to me I think is harmful to them). I love them.
Press on. it is worth it but hard to see the future in the midst of hormones.

Michelle - One of your best!

Carrie - I am kidless (never meant to be, I always wanted to be like you. The husband and a gaggle of kids and being crafty and stuff. Life just didn’t go down that way.) but I just wanted to say I love your honesty and I love you!

Amy - Thanks for your brutally honest post Meg. For every new season in my family I feel I tread water without really completing any laps. No one tells you about what to expect. What it could possibly be like. So thank you. For shedding some light. For being honest. For sharing. In the middle of the night.

Heidi Jo the Artist - My oldest is 10 and I feel like I’ve already been there for awhile and am still there now. “Yeah right!!” I’m sure many will think, that read this comment. It is because I have let go more than what most do at such a young age, because we are whole life learners (a.k.a. radical unschoolers) and ARE around our children more than the average parent. It is hard for me at times because I was raised in the very opposite way, an authoritarian household and in school. It has however, brought me to a whole new level of trust with God. That I will never have complete control over these children, no matter what their age or how hard I try. And when I think like that, it can be tough because of the way I was raised, but it makes me realize their lives have already been written in God’s book of how things will/must go. Worrying will accomplish nothing but pain. Controlling them, and not trusting them=the same, more pain. Being alongside them in this journey, trusting them, instead of trying to control them…this isn’t a new idea, but one that most of our society views as bad parenting. But why?? Because most don’t do it. And “we” tend to get our parenting skills from the way we were raised. However, the more friends I make (especially in the unschooling realm) and the respect I see from teenagers living alongside their parents (instead of parents hovering over them) has been amazing. I want that for our family too. So I’ve learned/am still learning to let go and not control them. I have bad days too, we all do. Sure our kids will make mistakes too, but we ALL do make mistakes, and always will. That is part of our sinful nature and world. Truly trusting God is so hard, but so huge! Great post Meg!

Lisa B - YES!!!! Indeed

Linda - Thank you. We are just starting this phase of life. We have a 12, almost 11, 9 year old boys with a almost 4 year old daughter. I’m a long time reader of your blog and have always loved your honesty. This tween thing is hard as they start to break free and make some of their own choices and I’m not sure how or when to let go. It so hard and I don’t think you can even understand till you get here. Your words really bring encouragement because it helps to see that other are going through the same thing. Thank you so much for sharing.

Amy - Oh Meg, how I agree with you in ever word, crossed “t” and dotted “i”. Parenting a tee, a pre-teen, a 10 year old and a 7 year old all at the same time is great, but parenting the teen is HARD. How was I not prepared for that? This stage is by far streching me to the point where sometimes I feel like an elastic band on the brink of busting, only to be shot into the reality of the other 3 and, thankfully, only feeling (and maybe looking) like silly putty, but not a broken elastic.
I am on my knees for you, me and every other Mom of teens and pre-teens today because that is the only thing that will save us in these hard times. Jesus.
Take good care and keep up the great work!

Tammia - I love this post. I love learning from people further along on this parenting journey than I am. I love your honesty and your ability to get your point across while still conveying your love and respect. I feel like I’m sort of a sweet spot right now with my 9-year-old. Old enough to not need constant care, young enough to still be an innocent kid. Keep sharing your heart–it’s why I love your blog.

Patti H. - It is SO hard some days. How hard parenting is in general is just not one of those things people talk about, at least in my experience. I have a ahem…spirited and STRONG-willed 14 year old daughter. She is the joy and the heartache of my life. This parenting gig is HARD. Hang in there.

Michelle Richmond - Stay strong Meg…..this too shall pass. Be thankful that you have your husband to lean on and help. We have two 15 year old girls and one soon to be 14 girl and a six year old girl too. I hope that all we have taught them and the values we instilled in them will get them through these tough years. Now is the time they have to think for themselves and draw from their memories of past conversations and experiences. Just keep talking and listening. They are absorbing and thinking about everything you say even though they don’t seem to be listening half the time. I have seven older sisters and they all made it through to the “other” side…..now they have worries about different things with their kids (grandchildren, jobs, houses, money worries). They tell me that the worry never ends, it’s just different kinds of worry. So try not to be in such a hurry to get through this stage of their life because a something different is just around the corner. And remember….you’re not alone….we are all going through this along with you. Stay strong…Michelle from Canada

Michelle - I am at a very similar place in my life. Married at 18, and pregnant, sitting in premarriage counseling telling the pastor that we have got this 🙂 16 years later we have been on a long hard road. Growing up together, and changing all that time into two people that are different, and yet still loving each other and making it work. Lately I have been overwhelmed with the thought of why. Why were we one of the few that worked? It’s too much to wrap my brain around, but so thankful that it did.
Thank you for your words. It’s nice to know that I am not alone. This raising teens business is rough!

Colleen - Thank you Meg. This could have been written by me. Lost sleep and crazy emotions too.

Cara Yeh - Wow. Beautifully said. I’m at that physically exhausting stage, but love hearing and learning about what happens next. Yikes. You said some things I never thought of before. Thanks for blessing us with this blog! Perhaps my husband will fly me out to Kansas to craft with you some day. 🙂

kristen - Oh Meg. Sending you a virtual hug. Your teenagers are lucky to have such a loving, fierce and protective mom. I respect you for being so wise and honoring their privacy. You and your family are in my prayers.

Inna - Thank you for posting this. I did wonder why bloggers don’t post about their teens. I understand the privacy reason, but there is so much advice how to parent babies and toddlers. And then…nothing.
My kids are still young, but I do get a glimpse of the teenage years from my oldest. And it already hurts and overwhelms me.

Carrie - I’m right there with you, sister! My oldest, 19 y/o son, is a freshman in college and my youngest, 14 y/o daughter is coming to the end of her middle school years next month. Ugh. You are right. I am more exhausted now than when they were both clinging to me in the kitchen while I was trying to make dinner after a long day of work. The worry is unreal; the stakes are high; the pressure is unbelievable. I have had conversations and prayers with some of my more seasoned friends – their reminder is that this is a phase/stage, it doesn’t last forever, and that LOVE NEVER FAILS.
God bless you on this journey. And I hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

Kari - Thank you. I became a mom really young, a good 10 years ahead of my peers. So when I say things about how hard things are they look at me like I’m some inept mother while their rosey cheeked cherubs play around us (and here I am with all the “free time” in the world because my kids are in school and I can come alone to get coffee). You just hit the nail on the head about the silence surrounding parenting teenagers. I love my kids fiercly, but these years have been the hardest in my life. Your post helps me not feel so alone.

Christie - OH, I love your blog. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!! I am the mom of the boy (15) and the littles (3 & 2) and it’s hard. No matter how fiercely we love them, this is some tough work. I’m thankful (daily) that God humors me and has my back. Could NOT do this without him.
Thanks for the amazing read. Loved it!

Suzette - This is excellent and EXACTLY my experience…..and why I shut my blog down. Loved this.

Jen - It is wicked hard. I went through the hardest year of my life recently with my teenage daughter…things that I NEVER considered as part of my future as a mother of teens.

beth - for what it’s worth, i found it really valuable to read that this morning. without realizing i was feeling that way until now, i have been finding it almost eerie how there are teenagers in your life (we know from the pictures : ) but that they are so seldom mentioned in your blog, with the exception of maybe sports schedules and what not. i guess it felt like something of a hole in the fluidity of your blog. but how you expressed yourself today makes perfect sense. how there’s no room for honesty or sharing online about teenagers, with potentially ‘everyone’ reading, they themselves, their friends, etc. i can’t imagine any way to solve that, but what a shame. i don’t have teenagers myself yet (kids 8 & 9) but i bet if i did, it would be so helpful to have some venue somewhere to be able to share, collaborate ideas, vent, etc……about the ups and downs of parenting teens. i guess that’s where good old face to face time with your girlfriends who are in the same boat comes in to save the day…hope that came out right… I LOVE your blog!!!

ann - Hi Meg,
My oldest is 15 now…I’m just beginning the teenage years journey. Thanks for verbalizing what we all feel. I so feel like I’m on a road where suddenly the lights went out and I have to navigate my way, not sure of what is ahead! Your blog is so wonderful and you are such a talented, gifted writer (and photographer)! Hugs from flooded Chicagoland.

amanda - Thank you Meg! for being honest and open about how most of us mom’s feel. My twin boys are only 6, but we have challenges that i never imagined when i was so giddy and happily pregnant and feeling blessed to be having TWINS. it’s hard!it brings me to my knees ALL THE TIME. i’m so thankful for a forgiving God who gives us new mercies each day. parenting is NO JOKE. so easy to get stuck in a rut worrying about them. i needed to read this reminder today. to pray for them more. pray for us more. let God be the center.
bless you and your wonderful family, meg! praying for all our families this morning.

Kimberlee Jost - God took what the enemy wanted to destroy you with and made you fierce this morning.
I love you.

Jody - Thanks for the honesty – the truth always wins!!
I have four boys who are almost 6 & 8 and on bad days I wonder how to survive it NOW!! Not to mention the future. But I agree with what someone said, in the thick trenches of it all, I feel God the most. And that’s what parenting is all about. And I know we will grow together – even though it’s sooo hard sometimes!! and will be harder as they grow. Growing pains – right?! But in the end, it’s all so worth it. Sending you a hug (and giving myself one too & all those mamas out there!!)

stephany @ home is what you make it - Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I have young children, but when I think about what I must have put my parents through as a teenager I just keep praying that my kids won’t be like me.
I was a good kid, but I made some bad decisions…but I can’t change the past.
I can only be the best momma I can be and hope that I teach my children well…just like my parents did.

MC - You said it sister. You articulated my life exactly. Thank you for the encouragement. My mother in law raised twelve mostly successful children. I use the work successful because I couldn’t think of a better one. They are all adults and doing their thing pretty well. She insists this phase too will pass. Try to enjoy it, and when it gets tough. Pray and pray some more. So I will pray for all the moms here talking with you. I just ask that they also pray for all of us.
God Bless.

Katey - Older teens here. I am with you. Last year I spoke with an wise man, a wise preacher man and he told me “you have to let them fail, your job is to keep them out of the ditches but you have to let them fail”. Thats been tough. I keep telling myself it’s two steps forward one step back. We are going to make it. Thank goodness we have God to put our wet blanket on. Thank you for sharing your trust in Him. Awesome post!!

Debby Graber - Meg, we had delightful teen years and also awful ones too. Gut-wrenching. This is when I became a prayer warrior. The helplessness and often the depression drew me to His feet and each day I had to cling to God’s hand. A book I absolutely love is “Prayers for Prodigals” by James Bank. Even if ones’ child isn’t a prodigal, these Scripture prayers are so good!!! I’ll be lifting you up in prayer! Now that they are grown, it is one of my favorite seasons of life! Being a grandma is the BEST thing!! And just think how many little ones you will have one day!!

Janelle - Well that is perfect timing Meg…I just kept reading your post and saying “yes, yes, yes!” Soooooo hard. And I just so want to do everything RIGHT! The past week I just kept saying to myself…”remember when they were 5 and were so sweet…what happened!” But after MUCH reading I am STARTING to be ok with who they are now…Love, love, love them but they are a different person from the time they were in kindergarten…and that’s ok.
Ok…I have to go reread your post again.

Marthajd@msn.com - This post couldn’t have come at a better time. My son left yesterday for his new home 15 hrs away. Ive been so emotional that and caught up in my feelings that I needed the reminder that He created him, He loves him and He wants what’s best for him! Thank you for that reminder……it gave mr peace.

Carol S. - One more thing…when you know you’re loosing sleep… An occasional Tylenol PM for a solid night sleep. Feel free to judge against sleep aids but they work when I need sleep!

Deb - You are right, it is HARD. We could have had a conversation at 2:30 am…. I have two teens, 17 and 14, and I consistently wake up with worry for them. My friends with older children tell me “don’t worry, they come back to you” but it is sure HARD. We do the best that we know how, are present in their lives and are trying to raise them to be “good men.” I do know that I am not alone, God is walking this path with me…… that helps most days….. but sometimes the worry just crashes right in. Thanks for sharing your worries… no explanations needed when talking about teen raising! 🙂 Keep doing what your doing, but also take care of yourself…… a healthy momma is a better equipped momma! ;-0

Heather Simnitt - Hi Lindsey – I just wanted to tell you that while I believer everything Meg said is true, I also want to let you know that it does get easier. Then it gets harder. Right now my husband and I consider ourselves in the sweet spot of parenting. We have 9 and 11 year old girls (18 months apart). Those early days were physically taxing, but now we have a reprieve. They are old enough to do for themselves, but not old enough to get into any really big issues. I believe we are in a resting period before the big push of the teenage years. I do, however, also believe there are choices you can make during this stage that can limit the issues you deal with later. This is not the time to just sit back and enjoy your kids (although we really do – and I homeschool so I’m not speaking idly here, I really enjoy being with my girls). This is the time to be intentional and lay the groundwork, he foundation. This is the time to really get to know their developing hearts and minds. It would be easy, at this stage, for us to sit back and ignore our kids. But we’re not. We’re making a full investment in them. Giving them space when needed, but finding they seek us most of the time to share their hearts anyway. I love that. And by the way – get some sleep between your kids ages of like 4 and 9 because for us, the late evening *chats* began with our oldest around 10 yrs. I’m with her so much of the time, and yet she still chose bedtime to share the best of her heart with me! 🙂

Carol S. - Oops should have said teenage blog I like is http://www.joanigeltman.blogspot.com

Carol S. - Thanks for sharing Meg. There are few mom of teenager blogs for the reasons you explain. I’ve got a freshman in college and an 8th grader. There have been really hard times and tough lessons but I have to say as I’ve resigned myself to the letting go stage, it is working. At least this morning! High school years bring tons of joy and equal measures of challenge. I miss my college son lots but he is now on his way and I’m getting the next one ready to fly. I agree with the reader about apologizing to kids when you’ve gone off the deep end or made a bad call, but also standing firm on other decisions. The little kiddie stage knocked me out and was harder in my opinion but we are all wired different. I just read this morning God often wants us to Stand Still when we are driven to action or answers. We are all in this together. Thanks for sharing your heart. One teenage blog I love is joaniegeltman.com. She’s really tough on technology with kids and she talks about the good bad and ugly (not for the faint hearted lol)

Gale - You did exactly the right thing by publishing when your heart told you to – good for you. Good for you for being honest and open – it IS super hard!!! I thought I would never survive the “littles” stage and then I had 3 teenagers – by myself – WOW!! If I ever needed proof that God was with me, it was then – in the trenches WITHOUT cell phones and WiFi and easily available internet everywhere and my kids being online all the time – it was HARD then and it’s still hard with mine being 22, 25 and 28 – and added a super stepkid along the way. There is no easy way to parent kids but we are never alone and He takes care of them when we just cannot say the right thing or be cool enough or care enough or pray enough – He is always there. My older three are flying now – and I am so proud of what they have become. We still have our struggles but we are grounded in LOVE – nothing takes that away even when they’re screaming how much they hate you… hang on! Jesus never gets tired – I am so so thankful for that!!
You’re doing great 🙂 Not perfect – but that’s okay. Ten years from now (which seems like FOREVER but isn’t!), you will be so grateful you just kept on loving them and being honest. Hugs!!

Seriously Sassy Mama - I am having a difficult time with a nine yer old who is on the cusp of being a teenager and just cannot understand why her mom has to be just a little bit tougher than the other moms. One day she will understand why.

Jend - Amen, Meg!

AnnMarie - My thoughts and my situation exactly Lindsey! How could it possibly get harder? and then I think back to my teenage years and I realize, “oh yea, it’s going to get way harder”!

Gretchen - this brought tears to my eyes. I am in the same place. I was blessed with one boy, and each day I hope I am leading him down the right path. Parenting is tough, faith is a huge part of parenting. It is nice to know we are in great company.

Tessa - Amen and amen! I currently have a 13 yr. old, {almost} 12 yr. old, and a 10 month old baby … long story, but all involves the same husband! LOL! My point is that I am in both stages of the game and although I dream of long continuous nights of sleep … I can say there is just something very raw and risky about parenting a teenager. I think you suddenly feel your time ticking away with them and you are unsure of how much to let them go and make mistakes so that they can learn … and how much you should protect them from this crazy world. I question how much heavy stuff I should expose them to in the safety of our own home and at the same time, not burdening them too early with the ways of the world. It is hard.

Tiffany - I so sorry Meg. I just want to give you a big virtual hug right now. Ready? SQUEEEZE!! I’m not there yet with my kids, so I’m not much help. I think you’ve all got it thought out… Especially that last part. So glad you have your faith to help pull you through this. Always remember that you are an amazing mom! Your kids love you, and things will get better.

Staciebowers@me.com - I’m one of those baby Mommas laying awake nursing and reading.
Thanks for sharing yourself!
I’m feeling the change in our family with a 10.5 year old (and 4 more on down to this 2 week old miracle!)
I can’t even imagine what’s in store.
I do know my older kids take much more of my energy than my littles.
Keep praying!
God will be faithful to you.
You’re an amazing Mom and woman.
I can’t wait till our paths cross again someday :).
Lots of love, Stacie

Lindsey S - Very well said Terrie:)
I agree- Our God is a God of Grace- look at the Grace he pours out on us! We are good enough…we are worthy:):)
I will be praying for you and Meg as I am up at 4:00 with my one-year-old:)

Terrie G - Love this post! I could have written it a few years ago…maybe even last week. Not sure it gets easier…sorry for that. I do have a few words of encouragement for you though. 1) Don’t just ask God to forgive you, ask your kids for forgiveness when you make a mistake. It goes a long way. 2) I had a conversation with my daughter about 1 1/2 years ago when she was pregnant with our grandson…she and her husband had been talking about discipline and what their plan would be. I apologized (in tears) for the mistakes I had made…for the things that still weighed heavy on my mind. She remembered none of them…NONE! 3) Don’t be so hard on yourself…(yeah this isn’t like the pot calling the kettle black or anything! See #2…I’m still hard on myself) But, I’m telling you, we don’t have to be. I have wasted so many moments being hard on myself, thinking I’m a failure…but I’m not. My kids are awesome…not perfect, but awesome! Our God is a God of grace and mercy….and sometimes our kids give us a glimpse of that too! He hand-picked us to be a family…to parent these children. He makes no mistakes…we belong together as a family for a reason. He loves us all…more than we know. Our job is to Love our kids through thick and thin…I know you love yours as much as I do mine. So, hugs to you Dear Meg…and any other mama out there that is struggling. Let’s lean on each other, give each other encouragement…and love our kids and give them to God. Sorry for the long comment…I’m up in the middle of the night too…sigh…..